Valentine week: #2 How can I move on when I’m still in love with you…

I never thought that I would ever dedicate a whole week for love stories. Although I had a tough time figuring out the real life love stories to put on my blog, I managed to get few of them somehow. Today I am sharing a story, it’s about one of my friend who fell in love with a girl but when life started testing them he had a tough time dealing with it. Not always every love story is complete. Sometimes they are just left incomplete.

“Why is she doing this?” he asked me

“You brought this up upon you, you can’t blame her now.” I said

“I know but is that really so easy for her to move on with life, knowing the fact that I am not able to.” He asked me

“It’s not easy for anyone to move on with life, but when life don’t offer any other choice they do it, willingly or unwillingly that doesn’t matter now. And she is not doing this for her, she is doing it for you. Can’t you see that?” I said

“But I still love her.” He said and broke down

I know this was going to be tough, it’s not easy to forget someone. But this was because of his mistake. She loved him unconditionally and whatever she is doing now it’s because he asked her to do it. Almost two years ago they fell in love, both of them were in my class. Nobody was aware about what was going on between them, they kept it between them. In college they never showed what they had for each other, until that day when unknowingly I ended up reading his message on his phone and the world turned upside down. Perhaps if I hadn’t read his message then we would have never came to know about their relationship. And we were happy when we came to know about our friend. But somehow directly or indirectly our happiness was the reason which triggered things quite dramatically and maybe because of that he was in dumps now. When they kicked off with their relationship, both of them were enjoying it to the core until one day when he brought this topic out of the blue.

“What about our future? He asked her

“What about it?” she said

“Do you think we will able to cope with our situation knowing the fact that our family would never accept love marriage?” he said

“I don’t know, I don’t want to think about it because it might ruin just everything that we have.” She said

“I am telling you now only, let’s not get that close so that later on if something bad happens then that should not bother us at all. It’s better to cut a small plant rather than cutting a big tree.” He said

“But why you say so? We can think in the other way, what if it actually works out?” she asked him

“No that won’t happen, I know my family. It’s not possible. You should move on. This has got no future.” He said

“Why you are saying like that?” she said

“Because I don’t want to get hurt and I don’t want you to get hurt.” He said and hung up the call

Next morning, I was going out to have tea when I saw her coming. She was literally sobbing quietly and walking towards me. She was in some other world and didn’t notice me coming. As soon as she saw me, quickly she wiped her tears and passed a smile. I couldn’t resist.

“What happened? Why are you crying?” I asked her

“Nothing. Just like that.” She said and left

I was perplexed. I was confused. What on earth has happened that she was crying? I knew something has happened between them. But no one would tell me. I tried asking him a lot, what is the problem between you two but he never replied. And same was the case with her. The problem with my nature is I can’t see my friends in trouble, and when I saw both of them ignoring each other, updating sad status I felt bad. Because we insisted him a lot to propose her. However that’s other thing that he did it without even telling us and we found out later on. Perhaps we crossed the line and pushed him a lot. And that made me feel terrible. Although I have never told him about this, but deep within I always felt bad being a silent observer of whatever was happening between them. They used to bunk lectures and meet in library to discuss their issues. There was no such issue, it was something which was created by them. If they wanted to enjoy their relationship, that would have happened quite easily. But they chose to think about what will happen after ten years and made their life living hell.

Who knows what will happen after ten years. Maybe things will be same as it is now or it will be completely different. Because life is unpredictable, and the more you predict the more your life will go into dumps. But who will make them understand and we decided to leave it on time. I stopped asking him about what was happening between them. And gradually we all got used to it. Until we went for another college trip when he was expecting her to forget everything that happened in past and enjoy the time with him. But that didn’t happen. And he started feeling bad. He was the one who asked her to move on, and when she did, it was him who couldn’t believe it. He tried to move ahead but that was tough for him now. And knowing the fact that she had already moved ahead, it made him feel more terrible. Often he would call me and cry over phone. I had no answers for him. What I can do? Nothing really. I blamed him also, because sometimes we just go overboard thinking about our future and we do some stupid things which makes us feel miserable later on in life. I always told him what you are doing is not right? But he would never listen. I tried explaining him, it’s not about thinking about the future now, and it’s about enjoying the present. Because we are way too immature to think about marriage and all that stuff at this age. We have lots of things to do in life. Instead of brooding over it, just enjoy whatever little time you get with her. And when he realised it, maybe it was too late. When she wanted to enjoy their relationship that time he was the one who was running away from it. And now when he wanted to enjoy the trip with her, it was too late. She had already moved on, but still she kept a straight face so that he shouldn’t feel bad. But sometimes we can know things even if you don’t tell it. We can feel it. And that feeling made him so miserable during the trip that sometimes I got pissed too. But he always had one thing to say, “How can I move on when I am still in love with you…”

It’s the nature of human beings, when everything is going fine we always tend to poke our nose and turn the situation the other way and then cry over it, blame our fate and often we curse god. Why you did this to me? But they don’t understand, it was not their fate, not their luck, not god that made things so terrible. It was them. I hope one day things will be fine between them and whatever is left incomplete in their story is completed with time. Time will heal everything, when things don’t work the way we want it to, we should leave it on time and never lose hope in ourselves. And even if it never works out the way we wanted then it’s better to move ahead rather than crying over it. You can love someone, but you can’t impose things on someone. Learn to be more kind and forgiving, shit happens in life always but it depends how we react in such situations. Sometimes people commit mistakes, it’s up to us whether we want to forgive them or not. Sometimes things turns quite dramatically, it’s up to us how well we understand the criticality of the situation. It’s always about how well we make choices in life.

You ask if it hurts badly,

I say it don't.

You ask if everything is fine,

I say it ain't.

You ask if I can live apart,

I say I can't.

You ask if I will love again,

I say I won't.

You ask what did I lose,

I say I never won....

Poem courtesy: Rishab Kankaria