High on Emotions!

 

We all are high on emotions right now. We all are highly anxious these days. The new normal has not just changed our lives, but it has also affected the way we think. People are losing their jobs some are not being paid on time, many are struggling to accept the new normal and, gradually, it has started taking a toll on each one of us mentally.

Initially, when this started we were not sure about how long it was going to last. But there was hope. We all began the new normal with a lot of energy because we hoped that it might subside soon and things will get back to normal. But it turned out differently. We never thought that it will continue at its pace and, now it seems like a never-ending dream, which is gradually turning into a nightmare.

We never thought that a year would pass by in a blink and we won't have any control over anything. Be it our professional or personal life; there is zero productivity in terms of what we had planned and how things have turned out to be. We never thought that it will gradually start driving all of us crazy.

If you look around, all you can see and feel is chaos. There is chaos everywhere. Even in our head, it is chaotic. There is no good news. There is only bad news. Every day we wake up with a newly found energy and determination but, by the time we go to bed, we know we have lost another battle.

Amid this chaos, we all are trying to rebuild and reinvent ourselves in a new way so we can adapt to the new normal. But how long we will be able to hold ourselves together is the bigger question here. Each day, we all are slowly losing a part of ourselves. We are gradually losing a part of our soul each day.

We all are surrounded by immense darkness right now and, it is so dark out there that it seems it has become impossible to find the light. But we have to be patient. Patient enough to let this darkness slip through our fingers and try finding the light within ourselves. We have to burn a part of our dream, part of our thought, part of our plan and, a part of us may be to find the light.

Difficult times lie ahead and, we are yet to find a solution to put an end to this never-ending battle. The battle that we all are raging in our heads and our hearts. What seemed certain earlier now has become blurry. What seemed under control until now suddenly feels going out of control. We are losing the grip each day and, as the sun sets in the evening and the night begins, we are not sure whether we will survive to see the light of the day.

But the dawn comes each day and what earlier was full of hopes and aspirations has suddenly become taxing and, we are just struggling every day to move ahead in life. Our head is not in the right place most of the time, and we are still struggling to put it in the right place. 

A second chance to introspect and live a little differently!

The grass is greener, the light is brighter, the sky is clearer, and the nights are beautiful. In the summer of 2020, we keep hearing news of how the earth is healing while humans, who are supposedly the ruler of our planet, are dying. Animals are wandering everywhere. Some say they are coming back to reclaim what belonged to them. We are caged inside our houses while the wild ventures out in the open.

Maybe all of this happened to give us a sign. Maybe it happened to shake us up and wake us up from our deep slumber where all we have done in the past is exploit the place where we have survived for so long. A second chance indeed to introspect on our lives and the way we have been living.

My lockdown of over two months went by in doing what I do the best - observe. As a spectator, all I did this summer was to observe how people were reacting to it. Sometimes it is fun to remain a spectator and not join the race. You only look at the world from a third-person view, and all you need is popcorn in your hand to make it a crispy ride.

Some learnt to cook while some learnt to play the guitar. It felt good to know that people utilized this lockdown in doing something meaningful or something that made them feel alive. Some painted their canvas of dreams with their aspirations while some made changes in their lifestyle.

Meanwhile, I also learnt how to stay at home. I think this could be the biggest thing that I have learnt in my life.

I am a free bird who does not like to be caged. When this lockdown was announced, my only thought was how will I survive at home. You see, I have lived alone for a long time in my life. For almost 13 years and all those years, I have not spent a lot of time sitting at home as that was one thing that I couldn't do. I enjoy going out and meeting new people, exploring places and learning new things. When it was announced that from now on we have to stay indoors for an indefinite period, I had no clue how will I spend my days.

Days turned into weeks and weeks into months here I am still locked inside a house, but, now it is a little convenient for me. It has become a habit to stay at home. I have watched numerous movies, TV series, experimented with my culinary skills in the kitchen and spent time plotting and writing my second novel. It is still in process, and hopefully, I will be able to make some announcements soon.

All you see around now are the reflections of what our inner self always wanted to do, but we were busy in building a life that can be left without meaning. In one stroke, everything can be washed away. This is how life is. Not everyone gets a second chance to reboot. As species, I think, we humans have got our second chance of this century.

The world that soon opens up will be a different one. It will never look the same. You will always have to smile from behind a mask and be afraid to come in contact with people. Well, not all the time but for a few years. But it will never be the same. We have got a second chance to do things differently in this world. Not every living generation gets to be a part of history. It is our second chance to make a difference in our lives, even if it is by a small margin.

The Blog train THE PANDEMIC THAT CHANGED OUR LIFE UPSIDE DOWN initiated by blogger Ila Varma to bring the bloggers together to share numerous experiences of #pandemiclockdown2020. I would like to thank Abhijit Bangal for introducing me in the last post and I would like to introduce Ghazala Nadeem. Let us hear their experiences about the lockdown.

#quarantine #staysafestayhome #quarantineedition #pandemicdiaries2020 #positivityinlockdown #quarantineparenting #workingfromhome #boredombuster

Thank You 2019 for Everything!

If anyone asks me to explain 2019 in one word, I would say “Beautiful”. The year started with a bang and is ending with a bang. That’s what makes 2019 the beautiful year it was. I think so far, this has been the best year of my life. Not because of one reason but multiple events combined to make this year the most special that it is, and I will always look back and cherish the days I have spent.

It started with me trying to find a place in a completely new work environment and handling new profile. I never expected I would do so well in my new work profile that I would be asked by the management to represent the organization on a global platform. I never expected that within a month of my joining, I will be representing the organization in a global conference. The year started with my first ever international trip to Colombia, South America where I tried public speaking for the first time, and it was amazing. I was nervous for sure but the fact that I have come a long way gave me the confidence to put things into perspective and give a session on Communication Strategies.

Bogota, as a city, was amazing and beautiful in its own way. Roaming alone on the streets of Bogota, continents away from my home, was a satisfying feeling and I remember I felt at peace. If this part was beautiful, what came next was something emotional for me.

My debut book launch. I had tears in my eyes on August 19, 2019, when my debut novel Shadow of the Past went live online and across all leading bookstores in India. I had waited for this moment all my life. From the day, I decided to become a writer to the day I became one I had always imagined these moments in the theatre of my head and when I was living my dream it was something beautiful and emotional at the same time.

I could have never asked for anything more from life other than allowing me to wander into the unknown and live my dream. I know now how it feels when you live your dream. How you feel when your dreams turn into reality. The energy that you feel within you resonates at the same frequency of this universe and this gives you the confidence and the courage to keep moving forward and achieve much more!

It was in the year 2010 when I had decided that I want to become a writer. Back then, I was not as polished as I am today for sure, but I had this dream. Suddenly, I realized that I have this ability to tell a story. But I was afraid about what others may think, how people would laugh at me for this silly thought and I didn’t know how to face my parents who were expecting another engineer in the family. But I kept these thoughts aside and decided to write a book.

I wrote my first book “Life’s Unpredictable” in 2012. It received 19 rejections and never got published. Many publishers told me to come up with a love story because “Life’s Unpredictable” was a dark story about life and not many people would like to read something like this coming from a young author like me. 

I feel I was not ready to become a writer back then. I stopped writing for the next two years and decided to focus on my studies. It was a terrible idea though but then there are times when you realize that maybe people who said you were chasing impossible were right or maybe I was not destined to become a writer and I was maybe living in a bubble which I had to break and see the reality.

But thanks to the placement drive and the 20 back-to-back rejections I faced. This made me realize what I really wanted from my life and how badly I wanted to change the direction of my ship. Amid all this, I told my parents about my dream and asked them to give me one last chance and I will never disappoint them. Since then I have never looked back. I have only marched forward.

I joined a journalism school in Delhi in 2014, and since then the journey has been beautiful. Yes, there were a lot of ups and downs. I am not saying that every day of these past 5 years was beautiful. There were many days when I was shattered, broken and lost and there were many instances when I felt defeated by life. But what I didn’t do or can say did differently this time was I continued moving forward without caring about the world.

This finally helped me to get my first book contract in 2017 and since then I have been waiting for the day when my book will be out, and people would read and tell me how they feel about it. This year, this turned into reality and everything that I had imagined in the theatre of my head was happening right in front of my eyes.

The cherry on top in my case was my decision of moving to Bangalore, which I was trying to do from the past two years but somehow things were not in my favours. But this year, even that became a reality. Bangalore has always been quite close to my heart. I was born here. I am not a Kannadiga. I am from Bihar, but my heart belongs to Bangalore. And now, when I am here, I think 2019 has been generous to me despite all the hard times. In the end, what matters is how far have you reached.

It has been four months since my book went live and I cannot complain. Life has been good. Definitely, a roller-coaster ride with a lot of ups and downs but what matters more is when you reach the place you always wanted to reach. That feeling is unmatchable.

Every day, when I wake up and I see reviews of my book, messages from readers or sometimes getting recognized publicly (rarely), it fills my heart with immense happiness and peace. I cannot ask for anything more. But I also understand that this is just the beginning and from here on the real journey begins and I have to do a lot and achieve much more. 

I also feel it is important to sometimes take a pause and reflect on what you have done and pat yourself on your back for making through the tough times and sailing through the rough sea to being patient amid the storm of life. 

For all the scars life and people gave you, for all the things that crushed you from within but yet you continued your journey to be what you always wanted to be, you have to take a step back and express gratitude to the world, to life, to universe, to people who helped you throughout or supported you endlessly but most importantly, you need to thank yourself for doing what was necessary. We don’t thank ourselves, but we should.

We are always busy in making others happy and we often forget to keep ourselves happy. You need to fill your bucket first, let it overflow and then you will be able to give. If your bucket is empty or half-filled, then you cannot give it to anyone.

And on this last day of 2019, I am taking a pause from my busy life and thanking this beautiful year for all the things it gave me and for all the hard times because, at the end of the day, life is nothing but a bundle of experiences and it makes you a better human if you learn from mistakes and continue to march forward to achieve what you want to. You are invincible and you can achieve anything only if you set your mind and heart to it. It won’t be easy. It will be difficult. Life will test you at every signal and sometimes it will tear you apart but then you have to dust yourself, get up and keep moving forward. And a day will come when you will feel that peace you have been longing for from a long time.

With a lot more to come in 2020 and to many more experiences in life, I put my fingers to rest. Thank you 2019 for giving me my best moments which I am going to cherish all my life for sure! Wish you all a Happy New Year!!!! Live your dream. 

The Last-Minute Flight - Part II

The cab reached my place. The driver’s voice brought me back to the real world. I paid him cash and got down. I sat down near the gate of my building. I wanted to run away. And then my phone beeped. It was a message from her. My tickets were booked again. And this time via Amsterdam. She said. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I read it twice. I felt relieved. She said that my presence meant important to them and so they cancelled my existing ticket and booked another one for the next night.  I was excited again.

But this time, my flight was at night. I was supposed to go to Mumbai from New Delhi and then from Mumbai to Amsterdam and from Amsterdam to Bogota. I had back to back flights with hardly any break in between. I climbed upstairs, unlocked my house and let out a huge sigh of relief. After all, the international trip was still on, I said in my head.

That day, I checked everything at least ten times to ensure that I have all the required documents. There were a few documents that were not even required but to be on the safe side, I took print outs for everything.

I got ready and left home at 6:30 pm sharp. My first flight was at 11:00 pm from New Delhi to Mumbai. I reached the airport and moved to the check-in counter. While the staff on the other side of the counter was busy checking my documents, I had only one thing in mind. “Don’t say I can’t board this flight also,” is what kept circulating in my head.

And I was through. I completed the security check and boarded the flight. But still, I was nervous. I had another flight from Mumbai and I was hoping that nothing goes wrong this time. I reached Mumbai at 1 am. I had 3 hours to kill before my next flight to Amsterdam. I took a stroll across the airport. It was fancy. I went through the security check again and immigration clearance. Still, I was hoping that nothing goes wrong. And I was on the other side now.

Every procedure was completed and there was no issue with anything. But I was still uncertain in my head. After all, my luck has never been on my side most of the time. And so, until I board the flight for Amsterdam, I wouldn’t be sure whether I am going for the visit or not.

I know all this sounds so stupid. But there I was, waiting for my flight. Once, I couldn’t board so I was scared and nervous about what it happens again. And if it does, then I won’t be able to attend the conference.

They announced finally.  “Passengers boarding KLM flight from Mumbai to Amsterdam are requested to come at gate number…” I took my stuff and started walking towards the boarding gate. I stood in the queue. As I was moving forward with the crowd, suddenly one staff stopped me.

“Sir, show me your passport please?” He asked me

I handed him over my passport.

“Sir, can you come with me for a moment?” He asked me again

I was nervous again. What did I do now? Several questions kept circulating in my head. He walked with me for a while and said, “Sir, you need to go to that counter and get your ticket registered with the airline. Since you are traveling from New Delhi they need to check your boarding pass here.”

I was confused but not nervous anymore. I went to the counter and asked the staff, “What happened?”

“Nothing Sir. We only need to update it here,” he took my boarding pass and did something on his computer. He handed me back my boarding pass and said, “Sir, you are good to go.”

I let out a huge sigh of relief, took my boarding pass and made my way to board the flight. And that’s how I managed to go on my first international trip. With a little hiccup and confusion here and there but finally, when I took my seat it felt good. But that was not it. There was another hurdle waiting for me at the Amsterdam airport.

I was supposed to reach Amsterdam airport at 8:30 am (as per the new time zone) and my flight was at 9:00 am for Bogota. The boarding gates will get shut by 9:00 am is what I was told. The flight from Mumbai to Amsterdam was comfortable. The food was good, the wine was perfect and so the journey. But the moment my flight landed at Amsterdam airport, I was in a hurry.

I had only 30 minutes to get down from my flight, go through security check and reach the boarding gate. I couldn’t even take a proper picture to update on social media that I was here at the Amsterdam airport.

I hurriedly walked to the security check and requested the staff to let me go first as my flight was in 25 minutes. He just asked me to wait as every passenger had a flight to catch. I was standing there for the first time with people mostly from different countries and all we could hear was a lady shouting at everyone.

She was Indian but had a different accent and the only thing she could say in Hindi was “Rumaal nikaal ke rakhna, pocket mei kuch nahi hona chahiye (take out the handkerchief and keep it in your bad. There shouldn’t be any item in your pocket).

I waited for my turn. I kept checking the time. It was passing quickly. And my boarding gate was not near to the security check counter. I knew once I was done, I had to run and run fast.

After a good ten minutes of waiting there, my turn came. I kept my bag in the scanner and went ahead with the security check. There was a cabin, where you just stand and it will do the needful. There was no need for someone to frisk you. I completed the procedure, collected my bag and checked the time. I had only 7 minutes left before the boarding gates get shut.

And I ran. Without giving any thought to what anyone might think of me, I just ran. It was a sight from many movies or novels or stories I have heard but I didn’t stop even once. I kept running. The only difference was, mostly in stories the guy runs to stop the girl. But here, there was no girl. It was my flight.

I could see the staff waiting at the boarding gate. All passengers had boarded till then and she was about to close the boarding gate when she saw me running. I reached there, panting like a dog, handed her my passport and boarding pass. She passed a smile and wished me a safe journey. I was on the flight. I was now anyhow going to Bogota, it was final. I knew nothing could stop me from reaching Colombia now.    

Source: https://depositphotos.com/83815368/stock-photo-schiphol-amsterdam-airport-train-terminal.html

The Last-Minute Flight - Part I

There are two feelings when you live in a place. You either feel like a stranger or you feel as if you belong to that place. But there is one more feeling. It is a mix of both. A combination of both. You feel like a stranger at the same time a feeling of belonging exists.

I felt the same way when I visited Bogota, Colombia in the month of February. I was thousands of miles away from my homeland and I felt like a stranger in the city yet the city gave me a feeling of belonging. But the story of how I managed to reach there sounds funny to me now.

I remember in the month of January, I was ecstatic about visiting this country. My tickets were booked. My visa got approved. Everything was going smoothly. And in the back of my head, there was only one question – How things can go so smoothly in my life? And also, I said a silent prayer in my head. “Please, save the adventures for the new place!”

I was supposed to reach Bogota via Frankfurt, Germany. Since I was invited to a global conference; I had no role in the booking of tickets. I was doing what I was asked to do. The night arrived finally. I was at Delhi International Airport, waiting for my turn at the check-in counter. This was the first time I was going for an international visit. I was nervous.

My turn came. The guy behind the desk called me and passed me a smile. I handed him my passport, e-visa and tickets. The guy took a good look and started typing something on his computer. He checked my e-visa twice, cleared his throat and asked me.

“Where is your German visa, sir?”

I was confused. I was going to Colombia and I had a Colombian visa. I cross-checked with him once to ensure that what I have heard is right.

“Sir, you need a German visa. You cannot board this flight,” he said.

“But I am going to Colombia,” I kept a straight face but in my head, I was pretty messed up now.

“Sir, as per German law you need to have a visa even if you want to spend 5 minutes on the airport,” he said.

“But I wasn’t told. Travel agents booked my tickets and I was unaware of this,” I replied.

“Sir, that’s the problem. People don’t check the details,” he said.

“So, what should I do now? I have to reach there at any cost,” I replied. I was in panic mode now.

“Sir, you can book via Amsterdam. You don’t require any transit visa for the same,” he said.

I stood there for a while. I had no clue what to do now. It was 1 am at night. I was sad at the same time frustrated hearing about the new development.

“Can you guys do something? Maybe speak to other airlines and adjust the booked ticket somehow,” I requested him.

He dialled a number; spoke to someone on the other side. Maybe his senior. He nodded twice, kept the phone and said, “Sir, we are extremely sorry. We cannot do anything. You will have to move now. Other passengers are waiting.”

I grabbed my stuff and moved aside. I kept my passport and tickets in my pocket and made my way back to the exit gate. I stopped mid-way. “This cannot be the end of my first international trip,” I said in my head.

I bought a bottle of water and took a few sips. I sat down nearby and started browsing through the contact list in my phone. And then it clicked.

I texted the person, who was looking after my bookings and left her a message. I had no clue whether it will work or not. But there was a need to apprise them about this fuck up. After all, I was supposed to give a session at the global conference.

I sat there watching people happily going for security checks and immigration clearance. I felt guilty too. I should have checked. Suddenly, my phone beeped. It was a new message. She replied. I felt relieved partly. But after reading the message, I was disappointed again. She was asking me to book a new ticket and they will reimburse me later on. She apologized as even she didn’t know I required a German visa for transit purpose.

I told her I cannot book a ticket as of now as it was too costly and requested her to send me the minutes of the meeting later on. I told myself – it is not happening – and got up. I walked up to the airline guy and requested him to escort me out from the departure terminal.

I walked out and booked a cab back home. On the way back, I was feeling depressed again. This was my chance to get out of the country but here I was so close yet couldn’t board. I checked my watch. It said 3 am. Boarding must have been done by now.

The cab reached my place. Driver’s voice brought me back to the real world. I paid him cash and got down. I sat down near the gate of my building. I wanted to run away. And then my phone beeped. It was a message from her. My tickets were booked again. And this time via Amsterdam. She said. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I read it twice. I felt relieved. She said that my presence meant important to them and so they cancelled my existing ticket and booked another one for the next night.  I was excited again.

To be continued…

Source: https://creativeconnections.org/portfolio/bam-airport/

Into the wild...

Source: https://www.thrillophilia.com/tours/hire-a-guide-in-kasol

"We are all prisoners of our mind. When we travel, we open the doors of the cage, where we have imprisoned our mind. And when we let our mind to wander, eventually we find peace..."

The air is so fresh, the ambience so soothing and everything here seems so peaceful. I am in Kasol, Himachal Pradesh on a solo trip. I am sitting by the riverside and all I can hear is the sound of waves flowing effortlessly. But even the sound of waves is so soothing that I feel immensely at peace.

There is a range of mountains behind me, a river in front of me and I am surrounded by the trippy forest. What else one could ask for?

Every time a cool breeze greets me, it feels as if it is trying to say something in my ears. As if, it is trying to talk to me. Travelling alone is fun. Although, it feels weird at times, when you pass by a group of people or when you see people enjoying from a distance but it feels great when you randomly bump into people and hang around with strangers.

These are people, whom you have never met and never possibly meet in the future.

There are people, who think it is sad to travel alone. They feel that people, who travel alone are in a need of company and they look down upon you with a great amount of sympathy in their eyes.

But it takes a lot to wander alone. When you are travelling alone, you are no one and also you are someone. You can be anyone you wish to be. You don't have to pretend to be someone. Or you can pretend to be anyone.

When you are travelling with someone, you have to be someone too. You are either a friend or someone's boyfriend/girlfriend. You are either someone's husband/wife or son/daughter. You are either someone's father/mother or brother/sister. But you are someone. 

But when you are wandering alone, you are just yourself and nothing more. You are in your most original form, the only form you feel you can't show it to anyone dear to you because you are afraid of being judged. But now you are not afraid of being judged by anyone.

You meet new people, you listen to their stories, you come across new experiences and then you bid goodbye to these people. Sometimes there isn't any goodbye. Suddenly, for a time being your life is connected with their lives. And when you bid them goodbye, you carry ahead with your life. You are back to your own world, with your own people but this time with a better perspective.

Sometimes, the stories that you hear and the experiences that you come across, change the way you look at life. It sometimes changes you as a person. And then you are never the same.

The only way we can evolve and keep evolving is when we give others a chance to express themselves and we do nothing but just sit back and listen to what they have to say. When you are listening, you are always learning. When you are talking, you will only talk about things that you already know. You are not gaining anything and the only person that is gaining anything out of it is the one listening to your story.

It does get boring at times when you have to eat alone or maybe sit alone. But once, you have learned to enjoy your own company, you can enjoy it with anyone.

The last leg of this trip proved out to be one of the memorable ones. I was supposed to return back to Delhi but then I don't know what happened. I woke up that day and felt like staying for another day. I needed one more day, I told myself.

Everything here is so fresh and pure that you don't feel like going back to the impure world.

You don't feel like going back to the simulation, where you do what you have been asked to do. You will work until you exhaust yourself and console your heart with the pay cheque that you receive on the last day of every month.

Here, even if you are a millionaire, the mountains don't care about you. You will have to climb to the top like every other soul. But once you are back to your world, you go back doing what you are best in doing - you wear a mask.

You hide your fear and insecurities beneath that mask. You hide your desires and aspirations beneath that mask. You are smiling but you are not happy from within. You know that you are tired of the materialistic world but you don't want to leave your comfort zone. You tell yourself, this is what I am supposed to do every day and you continue with your life.

You will continue wearing that mask for the rest of the year until you take another vacation and go back being what you are and who you are.

When I came here, I was carrying a baggage on my shoulders of recent past.  I felt burdened with pain and grief and despair and betrayal. I felt weak from within. I felt angry from within. I was anxious all the time.

But each day, when I climbed these mountains, I realised I was feeling much lighter. While climbing these mountains, I obviously took a lot of breaks and pauses to catch my breath. And every time, I took a pause, it gave me ample amount of time to reflect.

 I was sitting by the roadside, over a few thousands of meters above sea level with a huge mountain facing me. I looked at the gigantic mountain that stood tall in front of me and when I compared the size of my baggage with everything that surrounded me, they all felt too small. And I felt stupid to break my head over and over again for a long time.

Shit happens in life. And then, you move on. There is no point in holding yourself back. There is no point to remain stuck somewhere, which you know is only going to affect you and no good that will ever come out of it.

At the end of the day, what matters is that what you are doing about the issues. If you are doing nothing, then they might never leave you. And so, it is better to accept and embrace those issues and the choices you have made in life.

The choices that you have made, it will lead you somewhere. Some will put you on a dead end but then when you reach there, you have to muster up the courage you retrace your steps back and find a way out of the maze.

I always wonder how beautiful it would have been if I could always travel. It opens up your mind and clears your head. You bunk at cheap motels, carry only what is important and you travel the whole day. You eat new varieties of food, you pen down your thoughts and feel the thrill of belonging to everywhere and at the same time nowhere.

What good one gets out of living in big cities other than stress, boring and mundane life, pollution and the superficial stranger you become to please everyone around you. And you do it in exchange for a bunch of notes that define the entire human race now - money. And the money you make, you give it to everyone around you. You exhaust most of it by paying your bills and fulfilling your needs. You actually don't happen to do much with this money.

But then that is what the society has always taught us. We study, go to school and college and then we get a job. We fall in love and marry someone and start a family. We buy a big house and a big car and work our ass off every day to pay our loans.

You keep working tirelessly and aimlessly, only to fulfill the needs of your family or living up to their expectations or living the way everyone else is living. But why? Because we were told to do so. And so, you have to do it.

No one wants to break the chain and no one thinks about going beyond the obvious. Even if a few think about it, the lessons that were taught since childhood keeps coming back. And those, who break the chain are labelled as bad examples. But why? It takes a lot to survive rather than just leading a comfortable life.

Even I am afraid of telling people that I don't want to settle down at one particular place. I want to change cities every now and then. I want to live across the length and breadth of the world. I want to live across different planes and learn about the world and its existence. I want to explore my limitations and not restrict myself within a shell.

Living without the internet is the most peaceful part of travelling. You are not annoyed by constant notifications and messages and calls. You don't have to worry about replying to the messages or check your emails. And then you realise how much time one can save without using your phone and use that time to maybe explore, write, read, play a sport, listen to music, eat and sleep.

But we eat less, sleep less and spend most of our time either on phone or browsing or being worried about our work. Now, I am sure many people will form an opinion about me. Some would even say that a few days amid mountains have influenced me so much. Well, it only opens me up whenever I come here and I feel really sad when I have to leave this beautiful place. But then like everyone else even I am a part of a chain and unless I don't break it, there is no meaning of leading a superficial life.



 

Conversations - Part II...

"There was a time in life, when eating amul chocolates used to be a big deal. When there was a concept of candy, phantom cigarette chocolate, goldspot to quench the thirst and hajmola candy (imli and aam flavour) to relax," he said.

"Then what happened?" She asked

"Life. In the most dramatic and furious way. We grew up. We forgot how to enjoy happiness in small things. When we were small, we could do crazy things. All it took was a towel to become superman. When we were not exposed with the world," he said philosophically.

"Because we were too busy running. Running from people, things, events, past, work and even for eating we don't have time. But why is it so that when we are talking about all this we are feeling at peace? Why is that even we are connected we have forgot to communicate?"

"Because a part of us still resides there. In those narrow lanes and old times. When you had no means to contact people and relied on postman. When people would wait rather than keep calling you if you were late. We have lived both era and we find solace in the era where we were born. Because we are connected to our roots, the origin of our existence," he added.

"What is that one thing that can keep you awake for the entire night?" She asked him

"When you don't get sleep or when I don't know whether you are awake or asleep," he replied

"Why knowing is so important to you?" She asked him

"I don't know the reason. I don't think there should be a reason for everything. There are certain things that is meant to be in a certain way. Our mind can give enough reasons but what a heart feels can never be justified with reasons," he said.

"It is not like I am awake every night when you are not around. I know there are times when it is not possible for you and I try to sleep. But I don't sleep properly. And the day you are around I can sleep all day long without even changing my sides. I don't know why but maybe because my heart feels at home in your arms," he said.

"When I was not in your life, how you used to sleep then?" She asked him again

"I was an insomniac back then," he said with a big grin on his face

"I was empty from within. There was a void that I kept falling into and the day you arrived, I felt as if someone just gave a hand to pull me out of that void. And the reason I don't want to be left alone at night is because I am afraid of falling into that void again. Because I am afraid of becoming an insomniac again and because I love the way you hold me tightly and make me sleep and make me feel at home," he said.

She came closer, held his hand and said, "I will always hold you tightly in my arms and never let you fall in any void. Yes, there will be times when maybe I won't be able to but I will never let you go. I am here and you are home."

"Which is the most beautiful shade of me you adore?" She asked him

"The moment when you wake up in the morning..." He said

"Everyone says it in a hundred different way," she said

"But I can give you a perfect logic behind this," he smirked

"Go on..." She said and stared blankly away in the sky

"When you wake up in the morning that is the most natural form of you. We are in our purest form the moment we wake up from the dream world to come back into the simulation," he said and smiled

"But then why not we are in our purest form when we go to sleep?" She asked him

"Because after spending an entire day in the simulation you cannot jump back to something so you need sleep and after when you are done sleeping you wake up. The moment when the ray of sunlight falls on a portion of your face and when you twitch your lips in annoyance and turn to the other side of the bed but you have become conscious of the simulation. And that moment. That one moment. A moment of few seconds but you are in that form. And I love that shade of most of all your shades..." He said and looked at her...

She couldn't say anything but her one look said everything to him...

"Isn't it strange yet wonderful?" She said looking blankly into the sky.

"Beautiful," they both said in unison as they saw a shooting star..."

Source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/jonnybaker/5749440323

Conversations... "Part I"

"There was a time in life, when eating amul chocolates used to be a big deal. When there was a concept of candy, phantom cigarette chocolate, goldspot to quench the thirst and hajmola candy (imli and aam flavour) to relax," he said.

"Then what happened?" She asked

"Life. In the most dramatic and furious way. We grew up. We forgot how to enjoy happiness in small things. When we were small, we could do crazy things. All it took was a towel to become superman. When we were not exposed with the world," he said philosophically.

"Because we were too busy running. Running from people, things, events, past, work and even for eating we don't have time. But why is it so that when we are talking about all this we are feeling at peace? Why is that even we are connected we have forgotten how to communicate?" she asked him again

"Because a part of us still resides there. In those narrow lanes and old times. When you had no means to contact people and relied on postman. When people would wait rather than keep calling you if you were late. We have lived both era and we find solace in the era where we were born. Because we are connected to our roots, the origin of our existence," he added.

"Isn't it strange yet wonderful?" She said looking blankly into the sky.

"Beautiful," they both said in unison as they saw a shooting star but they never felt that they were miles apart from each other yet connected. He closed his eyes and made a wish.

"What is happiness?" He asked her out of the blue

"It is the most beautiful feeling to have yet hard to find amid the maze of life," she replied

There was a brief pause as both of them smiled thinking about this.

"Then why don't we put some effort to make it happen?" She asked him

"Because maybe we are too busy solving the complexities of our lives that we forget about happiness at all," he said staring blankly at the ceiling of his room.

"Perhaps," she said staring into the sky

"But you know the best part about us?" He asked her

"That we never try to be happy because it comes naturally to us," she said and giggled 

"That I am always happy when you are around. Maybe amid the crowd I have to wear a mask and keep a fake smile over my face. But when you are around, you always take it off from me," he said and wished only if he could hold her hand

She turned towards the other side of the bed, and whispered into his ears, "Always..."

And they were lost, in the ocean of their love and never wished to return to the shore. 

to be continueed....

source: https://fityourself.club/longing-ed20662f9eb7

A glimpse of the future...

It was another hot day, when he was roaming under the burning sun, his eyes analysing people around him with every blink of his eye while he paced through the staircase to find some shade.

But it didn't work for long and he was hungry, so he decided to eat a sub. Lots of veggies with chicken pieces and a glass of coke may help him fight through the summer, he thought.

He walked into Subway and placed his order, while he was waiting for his order he felt a pat on his shoulder; he turned around and he saw an old man with a huge smile on his face.

"Can I order too buddy?" Asked the old man

"Sure," he said and moved aside.

After a while, he took his order and sat on a corner table, carefully placing the glass of coke but happily tearing apart the paper cover of his sub. He was really hungry after all.

The old man came with his order and asked him, "Can I sit here, if you don't mind?"

He just passed a wry smile, not knowing whether to say yes or no. He wanted to say no, but he felt bad. He thought the old man might feel that he is being pushed away but saying yes felt too much for him to do. He just passed a half smile and the old man took it as his approval and sat down.

"You know I really enjoy eating sub and it is healthy too," the old man chuckled as he took a huge bite, mayonnaise dripping down his white beard. He wiped it with the tissue.

He didn't feel like making small talks at a time when he was getting late for work but was hungry at the same time.

There was an eerie silence for a while, people could hear only two souls chewing away their subs.

"How old are you?" The old man asked him

"Excuse me," he was taken aback

"How old are you, son?" The old man asked again

"27," he replied and continued eating his sub

The old man chuckled and said, "You know one day you are going to realise that whatever it is today that's bothering have literally no relevance on a bigger scale. You might be worried about a hell lot of things now only to realise a few good amount of years down the line that it was not required."

"Like how you look back now and feel, you were so stupid once. You are going to feel the same way when you attain some insanity in life and decide to just let it go," continued the old man.

"And what makes you think that the present is irrelevant and so the situations," he replied finally.

"Now you are talking. I didn't mean it that way, what I meant was maybe at the moment you are stressed with a lot of things. Maybe your head is overloaded with every kinds of shit but never fail to acknowledge the moment that you are living right now. Because maybe after say 30 years you must have made a hell lot of money but then you will not have much time to look for happiness," the old man said.

There was a brief pause. They both took a big bite.

"And one day when you will realise that you don't have much time left, you will start living like how I am living. Isn't it strange? That when we are alive we think about every single things except our own happiness or in order to fulfill the tasks of life, we never end up living the moment that we are having because the stress that you are carrying with yourself returns back to your home with you. And even though at night you want to shrug it off from your shoulder and have a nice meal with your girlfriend or wife or mother father or any family member or friends, the stress that came along with you, spoils the moment. You either end up sleeping with your worries or your guilt. That is what you need to learn," the old man said.

"And how this is going to find a solution for the situation that we are in?" He asked the old man

"As if brooding about it while having dinner is going to resolve the problem or cursing while sleeping is going to help. Live in the moment, breathe and feel lively. Whatever bad may happen today will be replaced with something better. That's how life works. But if you miss the time now it is never going to come back. You are never going to be 27 again, remember that. All you need to do is take a deep breathe, tell yourself that you will work a little more tomorrow to make things right and flash your smile. You never know how many people you may end up influencing or just making them happier if influence sounds like a negative term," the old man said and let out a sigh of relief and took his last bite.

He was thinking what the old man said and reflecting over it. "Now I shall leave you on your own. Don't forget to smile today, you have a beautiful one. In a hope to see you again, I would like that you will at least flash a smile when you see me again and not feel annoyed with a little extra energy that this old man is vibing out," the old man said and walked out of the outlet.

He sat there watching him go away and then looked down at his sub and suddenly felt happy about whatever just happened. He took a big bite when he spotted a piece of paper with something scribble over it.

"If you found this already, I must say I love your observation skills and if you hadn't then you must be thinking too much about who I was and why I stumbled upon you. I am you and you are going to be like me, if you continue not to live your moment now and regret later. Maybe this will bring a small glitch in the timeline and maybe the future might change but give life a try and shrug off your shoulder from the burden you are carrying," the note read.

Source: http://www.lovelyladie.com/2014/10/01/food-for-the-soul-live-freely/

Life = Trial & Error...

Mostly error but never stop trying...

Remember when we were kids, all we wanted was to grow up and live life king-size. Back then, it used to feel amusing to see grownups doing we all are doing now. But now if you ask anyone, all that they desire is to go back to their school or college days. I am no different. Not because back in those days life seemed easy or simple, but for a simple reason that back then it didn't take much effort from our end to be happy.

As we grow up, the challenges of life keeps on increasing exponentially and what we used to enjoy most seems to have taken the backseat. All we are doing is, running everyday and chasing the time that we have left in this world without even asking ourselves what we really desire.

There is a person I know, who has seen the worst and lived the peak moment of his life and throughout these moments, what he never stopped doing was trying. He was very young, when his mother passed away. Being the youngest member of his family, his innocence got lost after the death of his mother. He completed his school, went to college, bagged a job and got married to start his own family.

This person, after he had his own children vowed to himself that no matter how difficult his childhood was, he will never ever let his children go through something that he did and he worked day and night to reach a respectable position in his company. Among his siblings, he was doing quite well financially but that didn't change him. He didn't turn into some egoistic brat, who would flaunt his lifestyle to demean his family members and friends.

Instead, he would always help whoever came to him seeking his help. Be it emotionally or financially, he stood by everyone's side, whom he considered a part of his world. He had grown confident about what he wanted in his life, and it didn't take much time for him to start his own business. Although, he was warned by many, many didn't show the kind of faith in him, he showed in others but it didn't stop him from getting what he wanted.

Life rose to new expectations and challenges, as he flourished as a businessman and continued to be the same person he was even when he had nothing. He always believed that when you love someone, you just love them and you will do everything in your capacity or sometimes even beyond your capacity to help them whenever they require some help.

But maybe fate had something else in store for him. His wife fell sick, his business was over and all he had was a house with little kids and wife. And all this happened when he was almost on the verge of becoming a millionaire. His dreams were shattered, his self confidence took the beating but he continued to look for a way to stabilize his life.

The lifestyle once he had, was no more the same. The circle that he had, was no more the same. And the people for whom he always stood by their side, were no more the same. He tried his hand in everything he thought was necessary to ensure that his kids get proper education. His wife supported him in every decision that he took. Few turned into blessing, few were full of regrets. This resulted in immense frustration and disagreements between these two molecules of this universe. 

The two molecules of this universe kept colliding with each other for all the things that went terribly wrong. The molecules would collide day and night, the children would silently weep in their room and every night they said a silent prayer, praying to the universe to stabilize what has gone wrong.
He was jobless for several years, while his wife tried her hand in stabilizing the situation. Although, her health condition didn't permit her to do certain things, she never stopped believing in herself. She became the backbone of the family, when they couldn't withstand the pressure of life.

After almost a decade of failure, financial crisis and immense frustration, their life saw a shinning sun. Things started to get normal. And today things are completely different.

Yes, a few dreams were shattered which paved way for something new. But what remained constant was the will to try every time you fall. The strength to face the challenges, every time it seemed like a dead end. And to love irrespective of the collision and clashes.

Why I told you this story is to simply tell you that no matter how difficult your path gets, no matter how difficult your situation gets and no matter how restless life turns you into, never stop trying. Because someday things are going to get better. Maybe what you planned when you started your journey isn't the same when you sail through different situations. But it is up to you how you manage to sail.

This story could have been entirely different. If they hadn't tried to look for a solution they would have got stuck in the endless loop of their life. If they hadn't tried to embrace failure, success would never have arrived in their life.

I don't believe in destiny. I don't believe that our future is written when we are born. I only believe in the fact that how we react to the situations today, its outcome becomes the future. It is purely the choices that you take today will reflect on you tomorrow. If you make a different choice, it will change the dynamics of your life.

Today, even I am in a kind of situation where everything seems blurry. Although, a few years ago when I decided to change the dynamics of my life, I thought I will stay away from the drama of my life for at least some time. But that's not the case.

Every time I decide to let out a sigh of relief, I am loaded with a few more battles to fight. If I decide today to stop trying, I will never get what I always aspired. And that's why I am still trying even though I don't know whether I will succeed or not. Maybe yes. Maybe no. But that I will get to know only when I keep on trying. Because that's what I have learnt from the story of these people. They had everything and in one stroke they lost everything and they kept on trying until the day they managed to build everything all over again.



 

Source: https://www.justinbuzzard.net/2016/10/24/dont-worry-life-live-life/