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Incomplete Love Story

Incomplete Love Story


like an unfinished dream, an incomplete story
a letter half written, a forgotten melody;
certain things are better incomplete
like our...

Friday, April 12, 2019

The Last-Minute Flight - Part II

The cab reached my place. The driver’s voice brought me back to the real world. I paid him cash and got down. I sat down near the gate of my building. I wanted to run away. And then my phone beeped. It was a message from her. My tickets were booked again. And this time via Amsterdam. She said. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I read it twice. I felt relieved. She said that my presence meant important to them and so they cancelled my existing ticket and booked another one for the next night.  I was excited again.

But this time, my flight was at night. I was supposed to go to Mumbai from New Delhi and then from Mumbai to Amsterdam and from Amsterdam to Bogota. I had back to back flights with hardly any break in between. I climbed upstairs, unlocked my house and let out a huge sigh of relief. After all, the international trip was still on, I said in my head.

That day, I checked everything at least ten times to ensure that I have all the required documents. There were a few documents that were not even required but to be on the safe side, I took print outs for everything.

I got ready and left home at 6:30 pm sharp. My first flight was at 11:00 pm from New Delhi to Mumbai. I reached the airport and moved to the check-in counter. While the staff on the other side of the counter was busy checking my documents, I had only one thing in mind. “Don’t say I can’t board this flight also,” is what kept circulating in my head.

And I was through. I completed the security check and boarded the flight. But still, I was nervous. I had another flight from Mumbai and I was hoping that nothing goes wrong this time. I reached Mumbai at 1 am. I had 3 hours to kill before my next flight to Amsterdam. I took a stroll across the airport. It was fancy. I went through the security check again and immigration clearance. Still, I was hoping that nothing goes wrong. And I was on the other side now.

Every procedure was completed and there was no issue with anything. But I was still uncertain in my head. After all, my luck has never been on my side most of the time. And so, until I board the flight for Amsterdam, I wouldn’t be sure whether I am going for the visit or not.

I know all this sounds so stupid. But there I was, waiting for my flight. Once, I couldn’t board so I was scared and nervous about what it happens again. And if it does, then I won’t be able to attend the conference.

They announced finally.  “Passengers boarding KLM flight from Mumbai to Amsterdam are requested to come at gate number…” I took my stuff and started walking towards the boarding gate. I stood in the queue. As I was moving forward with the crowd, suddenly one staff stopped me.

“Sir, show me your passport please?” He asked me

I handed him over my passport.

“Sir, can you come with me for a moment?” He asked me again

I was nervous again. What did I do now? Several questions kept circulating in my head. He walked with me for a while and said, “Sir, you need to go to that counter and get your ticket registered with the airline. Since you are traveling from New Delhi they need to check your boarding pass here.”

I was confused but not nervous anymore. I went to the counter and asked the staff, “What happened?”

“Nothing Sir. We only need to update it here,” he took my boarding pass and did something on his computer. He handed me back my boarding pass and said, “Sir, you are good to go.”

I let out a huge sigh of relief, took my boarding pass and made my way to board the flight. And that’s how I managed to go on my first international trip. With a little hiccup and confusion here and there but finally, when I took my seat it felt good. But that was not it. There was another hurdle waiting for me at the Amsterdam airport.

I was supposed to reach Amsterdam airport at 8:30 am (as per the new time zone) and my flight was at 9:00 am for Bogota. The boarding gates will get shut by 9:00 am is what I was told. The flight from Mumbai to Amsterdam was comfortable. The food was good, the wine was perfect and so the journey. But the moment my flight landed at Amsterdam airport, I was in a hurry.

I had only 30 minutes to get down from my flight, go through security check and reach the boarding gate. I couldn’t even take a proper picture to update on social media that I was here at the Amsterdam airport.

I hurriedly walked to the security check and requested the staff to let me go first as my flight was in 25 minutes. He just asked me to wait as every passenger had a flight to catch. I was standing there for the first time with people mostly from different countries and all we could hear was a lady shouting at everyone.

She was Indian but had a different accent and the only thing she could say in Hindi was “Rumaal nikaal ke rakhna, pocket mei kuch nahi hona chahiye (take out the handkerchief and keep it in your bad. There shouldn’t be any item in your pocket).

I waited for my turn. I kept checking the time. It was passing quickly. And my boarding gate was not near to the security check counter. I knew once I was done, I had to run and run fast.

After a good ten minutes of waiting there, my turn came. I kept my bag in the scanner and went ahead with the security check. There was a cabin, where you just stand and it will do the needful. There was no need for someone to frisk you. I completed the procedure, collected my bag and checked the time. I had only 7 minutes left before the boarding gates get shut.

And I ran. Without giving any thought to what anyone might think of me, I just ran. It was a sight from many movies or novels or stories I have heard but I didn’t stop even once. I kept running. The only difference was, mostly in stories the guy runs to stop the girl. But here, there was no girl. It was my flight.

I could see the staff waiting at the boarding gate. All passengers had boarded till then and she was about to close the boarding gate when she saw me running. I reached there, panting like a dog, handed her my passport and boarding pass. She passed a smile and wished me a safe journey. I was on the flight. I was now anyhow going to Bogota, it was final. I knew nothing could stop me from reaching Colombia now.    


Friday, April 5, 2019

The Last-Minute Flight - Part I

There are two feelings when you live in a place. You either feel like a stranger or you feel as if you belong to that place. But there is one more feeling. It is a mix of both. A combination of both. You feel like a stranger at the same time a feeling of belonging exists.

I felt the same way when I visited Bogota, Colombia in the month of February. I was thousands of miles away from my homeland and I felt like a stranger in the city yet the city gave me a feeling of belonging. But the story of how I managed to reach there sounds funny to me now.

I remember in the month of January, I was ecstatic about visiting this country. My tickets were booked. My visa got approved. Everything was going smoothly. And in the back of my head, there was only one question – How things can go so smoothly in my life? And also, I said a silent prayer in my head. “Please, save the adventures for the new place!”

I was supposed to reach Bogota via Frankfurt, Germany. Since I was invited to a global conference; I had no role in the booking of tickets. I was doing what I was asked to do. The night arrived finally. I was at Delhi International Airport, waiting for my turn at the check-in counter. This was the first time I was going for an international visit. I was nervous.

My turn came. The guy behind the desk called me and passed me a smile. I handed him my passport, e-visa and tickets. The guy took a good look and started typing something on his computer. He checked my e-visa twice, cleared his throat and asked me.

“Where is your German visa, sir?”

I was confused. I was going to Colombia and I had a Colombian visa. I cross-checked with him once to ensure that what I have heard is right.

“Sir, you need a German visa. You cannot board this flight,” he said.

“But I am going to Colombia,” I kept a straight face but in my head, I was pretty messed up now.

“Sir, as per German law you need to have a visa even if you want to spend 5 minutes on the airport,” he said.

“But I wasn’t told. Travel agents booked my tickets and I was unaware of this,” I replied.

“Sir, that’s the problem. People don’t check the details,” he said.

“So, what should I do now? I have to reach there at any cost,” I replied. I was in panic mode now.

“Sir, you can book via Amsterdam. You don’t require any transit visa for the same,” he said.

I stood there for a while. I had no clue what to do now. It was 1 am at night. I was sad at the same time frustrated hearing about the new development.

“Can you guys do something? Maybe speak to other airlines and adjust the booked ticket somehow,” I requested him.

He dialled a number; spoke to someone on the other side. Maybe his senior. He nodded twice, kept the phone and said, “Sir, we are extremely sorry. We cannot do anything. You will have to move now. Other passengers are waiting.”

I grabbed my stuff and moved aside. I kept my passport and tickets in my pocket and made my way back to the exit gate. I stopped mid-way. “This cannot be the end of my first international trip,” I said in my head.

I bought a bottle of water and took a few sips. I sat down nearby and started browsing through the contact list in my phone. And then it clicked.

I texted the person, who was looking after my bookings and left her a message. I had no clue whether it will work or not. But there was a need to apprise them about this fuck up. After all, I was supposed to give a session at the global conference.

I sat there watching people happily going for security checks and immigration clearance. I felt guilty too. I should have checked. Suddenly, my phone beeped. It was a new message. She replied. I felt relieved partly. But after reading the message, I was disappointed again. She was asking me to book a new ticket and they will reimburse me later on. She apologized as even she didn’t know I required a German visa for transit purpose.

I told her I cannot book a ticket as of now as it was too costly and requested her to send me the minutes of the meeting later on. I told myself – it is not happening – and got up. I walked up to the airline guy and requested him to escort me out from the departure terminal.

I walked out and booked a cab back home. On the way back, I was feeling depressed again. This was my chance to get out of the country but here I was so close yet couldn’t board. I checked my watch. It said 3 am. Boarding must have been done by now.

The cab reached my place. Driver’s voice brought me back to the real world. I paid him cash and got down. I sat down near the gate of my building. I wanted to run away. And then my phone beeped. It was a message from her. My tickets were booked again. And this time via Amsterdam. She said. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I read it twice. I felt relieved. She said that my presence meant important to them and so they cancelled my existing ticket and booked another one for the next night.  I was excited again.

To be continued…


Saturday, December 15, 2018

Into the wild...


"We are all prisoners of our mind. When we travel, we open the doors of the cage, where we have imprisoned our mind. And when we let our mind to wander, eventually we find peace..."

The air is so fresh, the ambience so soothing and everything here seems so peaceful. I am in Kasol, Himachal Pradesh on a solo trip. I am sitting by the riverside and all I can hear is the sound of waves flowing effortlessly. But even the sound of waves is so soothing that I feel immensely at peace.

There is a range of mountains behind me, a river in front of me and I am surrounded by the trippy forest. What else one could ask for?

Every time a cool breeze greets me, it feels as if it is trying to say something in my ears. As if, it is trying to talk to me. Travelling alone is fun. Although, it feels weird at times, when you pass by a group of people or when you see people enjoying from a distance but it feels great when you randomly bump into people and hang around with strangers.

These are people, whom you have never met and never possibly meet in the future.

There are people, who think it is sad to travel alone. They feel that people, who travel alone are in a need of company and they look down upon you with a great amount of sympathy in their eyes.

But it takes a lot to wander alone. When you are travelling alone, you are no one and also you are someone. You can be anyone you wish to be. You don't have to pretend to be someone. Or you can pretend to be anyone.

When you are travelling with someone, you have to be someone too. You are either a friend or someone's boyfriend/girlfriend. You are either someone's husband/wife or son/daughter. You are either someone's father/mother or brother/sister. But you are someone. 

But when you are wandering alone, you are just yourself and nothing more. You are in your most original form, the only form you feel you can't show it to anyone dear to you because you are afraid of being judged. But now you are not afraid of being judged by anyone.

You meet new people, you listen to their stories, you come across new experiences and then you bid goodbye to these people. Sometimes there isn't any goodbye. Suddenly, for a time being your life is connected with their lives. And when you bid them goodbye, you carry ahead with your life. You are back to your own world, with your own people but this time with a better perspective.

Sometimes, the stories that you hear and the experiences that you come across, change the way you look at life. It sometimes changes you as a person. And then you are never the same.

The only way we can evolve and keep evolving is when we give others a chance to express themselves and we do nothing but just sit back and listen to what they have to say. When you are listening, you are always learning. When you are talking, you will only talk about things that you already know. You are not gaining anything and the only person that is gaining anything out of it is the one listening to your story.

It does get boring at times when you have to eat alone or maybe sit alone. But once, you have learned to enjoy your own company, you can enjoy it with anyone.

The last leg of this trip proved out to be one of the memorable ones. I was supposed to return back to Delhi but then I don't know what happened. I woke up that day and felt like staying for another day. I needed one more day, I told myself.

Everything here is so fresh and pure that you don't feel like going back to the impure world.

You don't feel like going back to the simulation, where you do what you have been asked to do. You will work until you exhaust yourself and console your heart with the pay cheque that you receive on the last day of every month.

Here, even if you are a millionaire, the mountains don't care about you. You will have to climb to the top like every other soul. But once you are back to your world, you go back doing what you are best in doing - you wear a mask.

You hide your fear and insecurities beneath that mask. You hide your desires and aspirations beneath that mask. You are smiling but you are not happy from within. You know that you are tired of the materialistic world but you don't want to leave your comfort zone. You tell yourself, this is what I am supposed to do every day and you continue with your life.

You will continue wearing that mask for the rest of the year until you take another vacation and go back being what you are and who you are.

When I came here, I was carrying a baggage on my shoulders of recent past.  I felt burdened with pain and grief and despair and betrayal. I felt weak from within. I felt angry from within. I was anxious all the time.

But each day, when I climbed these mountains, I realised I was feeling much lighter. While climbing these mountains, I obviously took a lot of breaks and pauses to catch my breath. And every time, I took a pause, it gave me ample amount of time to reflect.

 I was sitting by the roadside, over a few thousands of meters above sea level with a huge mountain facing me. I looked at the gigantic mountain that stood tall in front of me and when I compared the size of my baggage with everything that surrounded me, they all felt too small. And I felt stupid to break my head over and over again for a long time.

Shit happens in life. And then, you move on. There is no point in holding yourself back. There is no point to remain stuck somewhere, which you know is only going to affect you and no good that will ever come out of it.

At the end of the day, what matters is that what you are doing about the issues. If you are doing nothing, then they might never leave you. And so, it is better to accept and embrace those issues and the choices you have made in life.

The choices that you have made, it will lead you somewhere. Some will put you on a dead end but then when you reach there, you have to muster up the courage you retrace your steps back and find a way out of the maze.

I always wonder how beautiful it would have been if I could always travel. It opens up your mind and clears your head. You bunk at cheap motels, carry only what is important and you travel the whole day. You eat new varieties of food, you pen down your thoughts and feel the thrill of belonging to everywhere and at the same time nowhere.

What good one gets out of living in big cities other than stress, boring and mundane life, pollution and the superficial stranger you become to please everyone around you. And you do it in exchange for a bunch of notes that define the entire human race now - money. And the money you make, you give it to everyone around you. You exhaust most of it by paying your bills and fulfilling your needs. You actually don't happen to do much with this money.

But then that is what the society has always taught us. We study, go to school and college and then we get a job. We fall in love and marry someone and start a family. We buy a big house and a big car and work our ass off every day to pay our loans.

You keep working tirelessly and aimlessly, only to fulfill the needs of your family or living up to their expectations or living the way everyone else is living. But why? Because we were told to do so. And so, you have to do it.

No one wants to break the chain and no one thinks about going beyond the obvious. Even if a few think about it, the lessons that were taught since childhood keeps coming back. And those, who break the chain are labelled as bad examples. But why? It takes a lot to survive rather than just leading a comfortable life.

Even I am afraid of telling people that I don't want to settle down at one particular place. I want to change cities every now and then. I want to live across the length and breadth of the world. I want to live across different planes and learn about the world and its existence. I want to explore my limitations and not restrict myself within a shell.

Living without the internet is the most peaceful part of travelling. You are not annoyed by constant notifications and messages and calls. You don't have to worry about replying to the messages or check your emails. And then you realise how much time one can save without using your phone and use that time to maybe explore, write, read, play a sport, listen to music, eat and sleep.

But we eat less, sleep less and spend most of our time either on phone or browsing or being worried about our work. Now, I am sure many people will form an opinion about me. Some would even say that a few days amid mountains have influenced me so much. Well, it only opens me up whenever I come here and I feel really sad when I have to leave this beautiful place. But then like everyone else even I am a part of a chain and unless I don't break it, there is no meaning of leading a superficial life.


Saturday, October 6, 2018

Conversations - Part II...

"There was a time in life, when eating amul chocolates used to be a big deal. When there was a concept of candy, phantom cigarette chocolate, goldspot to quench the thirst and hajmola candy (imli and aam flavour) to relax," he said.

"Then what happened?" She asked

"Life. In the most dramatic and furious way. We grew up. We forgot how to enjoy happiness in small things. When we were small, we could do crazy things. All it took was a towel to become superman. When we were not exposed with the world," he said philosophically.

"Because we were too busy running. Running from people, things, events, past, work and even for eating we don't have time. But why is it so that when we are talking about all this we are feeling at peace? Why is that even we are connected we have forgot to communicate?"

"Because a part of us still resides there. In those narrow lanes and old times. When you had no means to contact people and relied on postman. When people would wait rather than keep calling you if you were late. We have lived both era and we find solace in the era where we were born. Because we are connected to our roots, the origin of our existence," he added.

"What is that one thing that can keep you awake for the entire night?" She asked him

"When you don't get sleep or when I don't know whether you are awake or asleep," he replied

"Why knowing is so important to you?" She asked him

"I don't know the reason. I don't think there should be a reason for everything. There are certain things that is meant to be in a certain way. Our mind can give enough reasons but what a heart feels can never be justified with reasons," he said.

"It is not like I am awake every night when you are not around. I know there are times when it is not possible for you and I try to sleep. But I don't sleep properly. And the day you are around I can sleep all day long without even changing my sides. I don't know why but maybe because my heart feels at home in your arms," he said.

"When I was not in your life, how you used to sleep then?" She asked him again

"I was an insomniac back then," he said with a big grin on his face

"I was empty from within. There was a void that I kept falling into and the day you arrived, I felt as if someone just gave a hand to pull me out of that void. And the reason I don't want to be left alone at night is because I am afraid of falling into that void again. Because I am afraid of becoming an insomniac again and because I love the way you hold me tightly and make me sleep and make me feel at home," he said.

She came closer, held his hand and said, "I will always hold you tightly in my arms and never let you fall in any void. Yes, there will be times when maybe I won't be able to but I will never let you go. I am here and you are home."

"Which is the most beautiful shade of me you adore?" She asked him

"The moment when you wake up in the morning..." He said

"Everyone says it in a hundred different way," she said

"But I can give you a perfect logic behind this," he smirked

"Go on..." She said and stared blankly away in the sky

"When you wake up in the morning that is the most natural form of you. We are in our purest form the moment we wake up from the dream world to come back into the simulation," he said and smiled

"But then why not we are in our purest form when we go to sleep?" She asked him

"Because after spending an entire day in the simulation you cannot jump back to something so you need sleep and after when you are done sleeping you wake up. The moment when the ray of sunlight falls on a portion of your face and when you twitch your lips in annoyance and turn to the other side of the bed but you have become conscious of the simulation. And that moment. That one moment. A moment of few seconds but you are in that form. And I love that shade of most of all your shades..." He said and looked at her...

She couldn't say anything but her one look said everything to him...

"Isn't it strange yet wonderful?" She said looking blankly into the sky.

"Beautiful," they both said in unison as they saw a shooting star..."


Monday, September 24, 2018

Conversations... "Part I"

"There was a time in life, when eating amul chocolates used to be a big deal. When there was a concept of candy, phantom cigarette chocolate, goldspot to quench the thirst and hajmola candy (imli and aam flavour) to relax," he said.

"Then what happened?" She asked

"Life. In the most dramatic and furious way. We grew up. We forgot how to enjoy happiness in small things. When we were small, we could do crazy things. All it took was a towel to become superman. When we were not exposed with the world," he said philosophically.

"Because we were too busy running. Running from people, things, events, past, work and even for eating we don't have time. But why is it so that when we are talking about all this we are feeling at peace? Why is that even we are connected we have forgotten how to communicate?" she asked him again

"Because a part of us still resides there. In those narrow lanes and old times. When you had no means to contact people and relied on postman. When people would wait rather than keep calling you if you were late. We have lived both era and we find solace in the era where we were born. Because we are connected to our roots, the origin of our existence," he added.

"Isn't it strange yet wonderful?" She said looking blankly into the sky.

"Beautiful," they both said in unison as they saw a shooting star but they never felt that they were miles apart from each other yet connected. He closed his eyes and made a wish.

"What is happiness?" He asked her out of the blue

"It is the most beautiful feeling to have yet hard to find amid the maze of life," she replied

There was a brief pause as both of them smiled thinking about this.

"Then why don't we put some effort to make it happen?" She asked him

"Because maybe we are too busy solving the complexities of our lives that we forget about happiness at all," he said staring blankly at the ceiling of his room.

"Perhaps," she said staring into the sky

"But you know the best part about us?" He asked her

"That we never try to be happy because it comes naturally to us," she said and giggled 

"That I am always happy when you are around. Maybe amid the crowd I have to wear a mask and keep a fake smile over my face. But when you are around, you always take it off from me," he said and wished only if he could hold her hand

She turned towards the other side of the bed, and whispered into his ears, "Always..."

And they were lost, in the ocean of their love and never wished to return to the shore. 

to be continueed....


Tuesday, April 3, 2018

A glimpse of the future...

It was another hot day, when he was roaming under the burning sun, his eyes analysing people around him with every blink of his eye while he paced through the staircase to find some shade.

But it didn't work for long and he was hungry, so he decided to eat a sub. Lots of veggies with chicken pieces and a glass of coke may help him fight through the summer, he thought.

He walked into Subway and placed his order, while he was waiting for his order he felt a pat on his shoulder; he turned around and he saw an old man with a huge smile on his face.

"Can I order too buddy?" Asked the old man

"Sure," he said and moved aside.

After a while, he took his order and sat on a corner table, carefully placing the glass of coke but happily tearing apart the paper cover of his sub. He was really hungry after all.

The old man came with his order and asked him, "Can I sit here, if you don't mind?"

He just passed a wry smile, not knowing whether to say yes or no. He wanted to say no, but he felt bad. He thought the old man might feel that he is being pushed away but saying yes felt too much for him to do. He just passed a half smile and the old man took it as his approval and sat down.

"You know I really enjoy eating sub and it is healthy too," the old man chuckled as he took a huge bite, mayonnaise dripping down his white beard. He wiped it with the tissue.

He didn't feel like making small talks at a time when he was getting late for work but was hungry at the same time.

There was an eerie silence for a while, people could hear only two souls chewing away their subs.

"How old are you?" The old man asked him

"Excuse me," he was taken aback

"How old are you, son?" The old man asked again

"27," he replied and continued eating his sub

The old man chuckled and said, "You know one day you are going to realise that whatever it is today that's bothering have literally no relevance on a bigger scale. You might be worried about a hell lot of things now only to realise a few good amount of years down the line that it was not required."

"Like how you look back now and feel, you were so stupid once. You are going to feel the same way when you attain some insanity in life and decide to just let it go," continued the old man.

"And what makes you think that the present is irrelevant and so the situations," he replied finally.

"Now you are talking. I didn't mean it that way, what I meant was maybe at the moment you are stressed with a lot of things. Maybe your head is overloaded with every kinds of shit but never fail to acknowledge the moment that you are living right now. Because maybe after say 30 years you must have made a hell lot of money but then you will not have much time to look for happiness," the old man said.

There was a brief pause. They both took a big bite.

"And one day when you will realise that you don't have much time left, you will start living like how I am living. Isn't it strange? That when we are alive we think about every single things except our own happiness or in order to fulfill the tasks of life, we never end up living the moment that we are having because the stress that you are carrying with yourself returns back to your home with you. And even though at night you want to shrug it off from your shoulder and have a nice meal with your girlfriend or wife or mother father or any family member or friends, the stress that came along with you, spoils the moment. You either end up sleeping with your worries or your guilt. That is what you need to learn," the old man said.

"And how this is going to find a solution for the situation that we are in?" He asked the old man

"As if brooding about it while having dinner is going to resolve the problem or cursing while sleeping is going to help. Live in the moment, breathe and feel lively. Whatever bad may happen today will be replaced with something better. That's how life works. But if you miss the time now it is never going to come back. You are never going to be 27 again, remember that. All you need to do is take a deep breathe, tell yourself that you will work a little more tomorrow to make things right and flash your smile. You never know how many people you may end up influencing or just making them happier if influence sounds like a negative term," the old man said and let out a sigh of relief and took his last bite.

He was thinking what the old man said and reflecting over it. "Now I shall leave you on your own. Don't forget to smile today, you have a beautiful one. In a hope to see you again, I would like that you will at least flash a smile when you see me again and not feel annoyed with a little extra energy that this old man is vibing out," the old man said and walked out of the outlet.

He sat there watching him go away and then looked down at his sub and suddenly felt happy about whatever just happened. He took a big bite when he spotted a piece of paper with something scribble over it.

"If you found this already, I must say I love your observation skills and if you hadn't then you must be thinking too much about who I was and why I stumbled upon you. I am you and you are going to be like me, if you continue not to live your moment now and regret later. Maybe this will bring a small glitch in the timeline and maybe the future might change but give life a try and shrug off your shoulder from the burden you are carrying," the note read.


Monday, March 19, 2018

Life = Trial & Error...

Mostly error but never stop trying...

Remember when we were kids, all we wanted was to grow up and live life king-size. Back then, it used to feel amusing to see grownups doing we all are doing now. But now if you ask anyone, all that they desire is to go back to their school or college days. I am no different. Not because back in those days life seemed easy or simple, but for a simple reason that back then it didn't take much effort from our end to be happy.

As we grow up, the challenges of life keeps on increasing exponentially and what we used to enjoy most seems to have taken the backseat. All we are doing is, running everyday and chasing the time that we have left in this world without even asking ourselves what we really desire.

There is a person I know, who has seen the worst and lived the peak moment of his life and throughout these moments, what he never stopped doing was trying. He was very young, when his mother passed away. Being the youngest member of his family, his innocence got lost after the death of his mother. He completed his school, went to college, bagged a job and got married to start his own family.

This person, after he had his own children vowed to himself that no matter how difficult his childhood was, he will never ever let his children go through something that he did and he worked day and night to reach a respectable position in his company. Among his siblings, he was doing quite well financially but that didn't change him. He didn't turn into some egoistic brat, who would flaunt his lifestyle to demean his family members and friends.

Instead, he would always help whoever came to him seeking his help. Be it emotionally or financially, he stood by everyone's side, whom he considered a part of his world. He had grown confident about what he wanted in his life, and it didn't take much time for him to start his own business. Although, he was warned by many, many didn't show the kind of faith in him, he showed in others but it didn't stop him from getting what he wanted.

Life rose to new expectations and challenges, as he flourished as a businessman and continued to be the same person he was even when he had nothing. He always believed that when you love someone, you just love them and you will do everything in your capacity or sometimes even beyond your capacity to help them whenever they require some help.

But maybe fate had something else in store for him. His wife fell sick, his business was over and all he had was a house with little kids and wife. And all this happened when he was almost on the verge of becoming a millionaire. His dreams were shattered, his self confidence took the beating but he continued to look for a way to stabilize his life.

The lifestyle once he had, was no more the same. The circle that he had, was no more the same. And the people for whom he always stood by their side, were no more the same. He tried his hand in everything he thought was necessary to ensure that his kids get proper education. His wife supported him in every decision that he took. Few turned into blessing, few were full of regrets. This resulted in immense frustration and disagreements between these two molecules of this universe. 

The two molecules of this universe kept colliding with each other for all the things that went terribly wrong. The molecules would collide day and night, the children would silently weep in their room and every night they said a silent prayer, praying to the universe to stabilize what has gone wrong.
He was jobless for several years, while his wife tried her hand in stabilizing the situation. Although, her health condition didn't permit her to do certain things, she never stopped believing in herself. She became the backbone of the family, when they couldn't withstand the pressure of life.

After almost a decade of failure, financial crisis and immense frustration, their life saw a shinning sun. Things started to get normal. And today things are completely different.

Yes, a few dreams were shattered which paved way for something new. But what remained constant was the will to try every time you fall. The strength to face the challenges, every time it seemed like a dead end. And to love irrespective of the collision and clashes.

Why I told you this story is to simply tell you that no matter how difficult your path gets, no matter how difficult your situation gets and no matter how restless life turns you into, never stop trying. Because someday things are going to get better. Maybe what you planned when you started your journey isn't the same when you sail through different situations. But it is up to you how you manage to sail.

This story could have been entirely different. If they hadn't tried to look for a solution they would have got stuck in the endless loop of their life. If they hadn't tried to embrace failure, success would never have arrived in their life.

I don't believe in destiny. I don't believe that our future is written when we are born. I only believe in the fact that how we react to the situations today, its outcome becomes the future. It is purely the choices that you take today will reflect on you tomorrow. If you make a different choice, it will change the dynamics of your life.

Today, even I am in a kind of situation where everything seems blurry. Although, a few years ago when I decided to change the dynamics of my life, I thought I will stay away from the drama of my life for at least some time. But that's not the case.

Every time I decide to let out a sigh of relief, I am loaded with a few more battles to fight. If I decide today to stop trying, I will never get what I always aspired. And that's why I am still trying even though I don't know whether I will succeed or not. Maybe yes. Maybe no. But that I will get to know only when I keep on trying. Because that's what I have learnt from the story of these people. They had everything and in one stroke they lost everything and they kept on trying until the day they managed to build everything all over again.


Friday, December 29, 2017

Bring me back to life...

I am pushed in a place,
Where only darkness surrounds me,
My eyes have gotten used to it now,
For I haven't seen light in ages...

My heart utters a silent cry every night,
While you are unaware of the happenings,
It only prays to the universe,
That someday it brings you back here...

Lying like a lifeless soul,
I push myself everyday,
To believe again and to get up again,
But every night I fall into the same void...

The void, which I never created,
Yet I am pushed here,
Where no one can hear my cries,
No one can see my pain...

It heals me when you are here,
The magical touch you have,
The power that you hold,
To bring me back to life...

My voice echoes through this place,
Crying for help but no one hears,
I go back to sleep again,
In a hope to see the shinning sun...

But whenever I open my eyes,
The sun isn't there,
There is only darkness around,
And yes, I am scared...

One can stand by someone's side,
One can guide them through the maze,
But one cannot hold the steering of their life,
Yet it didn't take a moment for you to say, "move on"...

I wish I was a machine,
Who had an on and off switch,
But the human body is a curse,
Coz I don't know how not to love you...

I am broken and bruised,
Pain bleeding through my heart,
Don't know how long will I survive,
The wrath of this life...

Sometimes people don't realize your worth,
When you are around them,
But it hits them, only when you are gone,
Why is it so? I keep asking...

Don't let me stay here for too long,
That you cannot find me in this darkness,
Remember to check on me once,
That you don't get to see my corpse

And if you find my corpse someday,
Then hold me once tightly in your arms,
And kiss me on my cold skin,
Maybe your touch will bring me back to life...

I am waiting here,
Where you have asked me to,
In a hope that someday I hear your voice,
Echoing through this void,
In a hope that you extend your hand,
To bring me back to life...


Tuesday, December 19, 2017

In a hope to see you soon...

There is a constant pain deep within, my chest is always burning and not even a second goes by without your thoughts. The wait is taxing and few hours feel like eternity, as if the day is never going to end. I don't feel like getting up in the morning from bed, and for a long time I am lying on bed staring at the ceiling, lost in your thoughts.

My heart always ask me, do you feel the same pain deep within which I am feeling? Do you miss me every moment of your day? Do you feel as if someone has took away a part of your soul too? Do you also feel that you are stuck in an infinity loop? My day start with your thoughts and end to your thoughts, this was the case even before. The only difference now is, I don't know whether you will come back in my life or not.

Earlier, the feelings were positive but now I am drowning every day gradually in the ocean of madness and fear. The fear of losing you or have I lost you already? And every moment, I am praying to the universe to bring you back in my life.

It is impossible not to think about you, impossible not to text you or call you. Though I am trying my best to control my emotions but every day I fail miserably. Do you find yourself in the same situation too?

Now, I can relate to every intense movie I have seen and every book I have read about separation and love and heartbreaks. I can feel the pain, which the protagonist felt when the love of his/her life went away or the dilemma and fear of losing the love of your life enveloped them into its clutches. I can feel every emotions scribbled by the writer and no matter how hard I try to hold on, tears always make their way from my eyes.

I don't want to feel this pain ever and I am sticking to the promise on my end, hoping and praying that even you realize the vacuum in your life, which has been created due to my absence and soon you come to find me; I will be waiting at the same doorstep with open arms to welcome you back and continue the journey further with same aspirations but new hope and newly found energy.

My mind often ask and try to analyse the reason behind our situation, and it always has a same reply - you fall to get up. We can never get done with each other, life tried to break us several times and every time we challenged life by bouncing back. It is true the intensity of the situation kept on increasing with every new challenge but I still believe in our bond and I know that we are better than this and beyond anyone's explanation.

I refuse to give up on us and I choose to believe in our love. We may be lost but not disillusioned to leave each other hand. Everything that happened was naturally scripted by the universe, neither of us tried to develop our own script and we believed in the universe to do what was necessary. Still whatever has happened, it is the outcome of what the universe had planned for us, maybe to see whether we stick by each other side or we give up on each other. Maybe to see whether we leave each other and we believe in each other to make it work.

Any day when you are feeling vulnerable, remember that this is only a temporary phase and soon it will get over. Soon we will find each other amid the storm and again we will sail together. The ship may have wrecked and both of us are in maybe two different directions trying to swim our way to the island. But soon we will meet at that island and then nothing can stop us from being with each other, we will be better than before and stronger than ever. I am waiting, in a hope to see you again...


Saturday, December 16, 2017

Memoir of a pierced heart...

I am in too much of pain, but my heart never forgets to miss you and my mind never forgets to replay all the moments that we spent together in the theater at the back of my head. When I try to close my eyes at night to get some sleep, which I have been struggling to get from many days now, the same theater plays all the reasons why we drifted apart.

I don't remember how the food tastes, it's been a while since I had a proper meal. I have lost my appetite and not that I didn't try to eat, I tried a lot to gulp something down my throat but it got stuck and I puked my lungs out every time I tried to fill my stomach with something.

I don't remember the last time when I smiled, when I had a hearty laugh; and if I recollect my memory it was with you the last time I ate or slept properly or smiled. Whenever you are around, it calms me down; you calm down the demon within me and I am at my most peaceful moment in life. And this is something which I never get around anyone and this is what haunts me. Life without you is like a nightmare, which never seems to get over.

Why life is so unfair? Why life always put us in a situation from where nothing seems right and everything seems blurry?

Why there are certain events in life which we can never fight even if we wish to? Why we have to wait for life to decide what I want? Every morning when I wake up, my hand automatically reaches out for my phone and while I am about to type you a message, it reminds me that you have gone far from me. Every time something I see, I want to tell you like how I used to but I cannot. While I pray each day that life brings you back in my life, I don't actually know what will happen? And when that thought arrives in my mind, I am absolutely clueless but in immense pain.

I listen to every song that we dedicated to each other and somehow try to find solace in the rhythm but the same song pierces my heart, when it makes me realise the void which has been created due to your absence. A part of me has turned into vacuum, where I don't feel anything but there is only pain.

Sometimes I feel like inflicting pain upon me, hoping that the pain which resides inside will come out but everytime I think about doing it, it reminds me of the promise I made to you. Why I am still holding on to every promise that I made to you? Why your voice still echoes in my ear? Why I can still feel your touch all over my skin? Why this heart cannot stop beating for you and why it feels as if my heart will stop beating at all if you are gone for too long?

There are only questions that resides within my mind, which I keep trying to answer somehow giving myself solace by reasoning the situation which has put me in a place, where there is only darkness and this time I don't have you to show me the light. The tunnel seems endless and so does the pain.

There are days, when I am so angry that I want to throw you out of my life and when I take a step towards it; I realise that how it will be without you and I realise that I am too much in love with you to get done with you. I can never get done with you, even if someday you are done with me. The anger is so much that I am turning into something different and while people around me are clueless, every night and every morning I am raging a battle within myself and every afternoon and every evening I fail miserably in the battle.

There is only one wish, which comes out from my heart these days that the way life took you away from me, it brings you back to me soon and with that wish and hope, I am sailing through this rough sea; which never wants to calm down because only you can calm it down.