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Incomplete Love Story

Incomplete Love Story

........

like an unfinished dream, an incomplete story
a letter half written, a forgotten melody;
certain things are better incomplete
like our...

Monday, September 30, 2013

The story of a kitten…

It was a very tiring day for me and Rishab. For no reason we had to roam around the whole day in this hot weather of Chennai, leaving us tiresome more than usual. We crashed at Rishab’s place in evening where Pranav and Subho were already waiting for us. After an hour or two, Vivek came to Rishab’s place with a small surprise. He was holding his bag very cautiously in his hand. We thought he has brought beers for us but instead he took out one cute looking kitten. The kitten was very skinny and was shivering with fear. While coming to Rishab’s place Vivek almost ran over the kitten. Fortunately nothing happened and the kitten was saved. But looking at her condition Vivek felt bad and took her with him on his bike. As soon as he kept the kitten on the floor she started searching for a place to crash. I was feeling uncomfortable, not that I am scared of them. It just makes me a little uncomfortable. She was cute but very weak. It seemed as if she didn’t get anything to eat from a long time. We bought milk and bun for her; tried feeding her but it was in vain. The kitten was sleepy and not in a mood to eat at all. I asked Vivek to leave her for a while; perhaps she needs some time to adjust in this new environment. After a while she got up and started strolling around the room looking for something to eat. So we gave her a bowl of milk and to our surprise the milk was left untouched by the kitten. Then we tried feeding her the bun. She ate the bun but didn’t go near the milk. I was surprised to see a kitten that didn’t even touch the milk for the first time in my life. The only reason we kept on feeding the kitten was because we were scared looking at her condition, what if she dies was the only question that kept circulating in our head. And no one wanted that to happen. So forcibly we made her eat something and then she crashed in one corner.

That was a noble gesture by Vivek who actually saved the life of a kitten; we however played a very small part in taking care of the kitten. Probably it is not a big deal but even if it is a small thing it meant a lot to us. We felt really good that we all played a role in saving a life. And then when she woke up, she was quite active. Vivek had to go early so he couldn’t witness that moment. The kitten was in a playful mood and kept on playing around till the wee hours of morning. And I, on the other hand was watching her play. I didn’t sleep because I was afraid what if she goes out of the window or some other cat enters the room in our absence and something unusual happens with the kitten. That feeling kept me awake till 6 in the morning when finally the kitten slept off; I went inside the room and crashed on the bed. She made me sit and watch her play whole night. But I tell you, it was one of the finest moments of life. I could see the joy in her eyes, the joy of getting a new life. I found myself at peace after that. Sometimes we happen to do something which stays with us forever. And whenever we remember that moment, it gives us the moment of peace and joy. Sometimes we end up doing something for which we feel proud of ourselves. And I was proud to have friends like Vivek, Rishab, Pranav and Subho who took care of the kitten after that night. Now whenever I go to their place, I find the kitten in a great mood and good health. She got adjusted in her new environment quite easily and now she is a part of their family.


Always be a helping hand, you never know when you end up saving someone’s life.


Saturday, September 28, 2013

It’s our Perspective, which matters the most…

“If you think, your game is over – It is.
If you think, you can win – You will.
If you think, you can’t do something - You can’t.
If you think, you can reach heights – You can.”

Life is all about how we make it. Our perspective matters the most. In all those tough times, our perspective holds the key to success. And when we succeed in achieving something what we always wanted to achieve then we grow. The number of obstacles you overcome is always proportional to a person’s growth. Why we grow the most in those tough times? The answer is quite simple. When everything seems fine, we don’t even bother to think about all such things. But when we are in trouble, we start evaluating our life, analyzing our hard work and wander in search of the key which will lead us towards the path of success. The more the struggle we encounter during the start of our journey the more comfortable our life will be. Everyone has to struggle in their life. Some do at an early age for some it comes quite late. If that phase comes in your life at an early age then remember that the rest of your life is spent in a more matured and proper way. You will know exactly how to deal with tough situations, how you will survive in those calamities. That’s because at an early age you have learnt a lot about life, and then we start looking at our life from then on with a new perspective, a new angle. The perspective to lead a life, which we get after fighting those tough situations and surviving in those critical conditions. But if we struggle late in our life then our life gets disturbed. Life moves with a flow and if the flow is disrupted by anything very unusual then the whole life gets disturbed. Now the question will arise, is it in our hand? Can we control the outcome? No, not at all. Then is it our luck factor which count at times? Not exactly.

It depends actually upon many parameters. One among them is the way we are brought up. If someone has been brought up in tough situations, immediately they understand the aim of their life. If you have nothing with you, then you have a thirst to get what all you never had. But if someone was born with a silver spoon in his/her mouth, for most of them it takes some time to realize this fact of life. It’s not the mistake of a person till certain age if he/she doesn’t quite understand the need to struggle in life. It depends on their upbringing. But after certain age what happens is they actually don’t want to believe in the fact that sooner or later they have to struggle if they want to make a life on their own.

Life has many shades; each of them teaches us a lesson. It depends on how we perceive things in life. It also gives us signs at times, helps us when we are in trouble, it always supports us. But we always ignore the signs, never see the help that is always coming our way in many different forms and never believe in the support that we get. Why do we fall? Sometimes life leaves our hand to make us fall on the ground only to make us realize the fact that you can’t fly for long if you don’t know how to walk. In order to make us realize few things life leaves our hand mid-way and baaaaaam! We fall, we come crashing to ground and meet our new friend - Trouble. This new friends of ours plays with our mind, test our will power; check our limits and most importantly the thirst to do something in life. And when our new friend is satisfied and content with us then he drops us at our place yet again called Life.


Trust your instinct, have faith in yourself and then you will see how your life will blossom in front of your eyes. Dark clouds will always hover around and every time it does, we have to go out there in search of the shinning sun which will take us out from the tough times and guide us to a new direction, a new path. But remember it will only guide us; it’s us who will have to walk all long. Life is what you make it, and in that process it’s our perspective which steals the show…


Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Black Friday…

Continuation from “72 hours of my life which I will never forget…

I went to college on Friday after spending 72 hours in pain and fear. The only reason behind my going to college was the need for a change in my environment. At home I was alone and surrounded by all the negativities. I had no one to talk to, no one to crack poor jokes unlike in college I was always surrounded by so many people. I took all my medicines with me incase if I felt sick in college I will have it then and there. When I reached my college, first thing I did was have breakfast. I went to the canteen accompanied by two of my friends and ordered a plain dosa with water melon juice. I was way too weak and it showed from the look on my face. It’s been a long time since I went to college so everyone who passed by kept on asking me what has happened to me and I was tired of explaining it to everyone. It felt good though to know so many people were concerned doesn’t matter if that was just for the sake of formality. At this moment I needed such kind of sympathy and motivation from anyone and anywhere it came from. I ate half of the dosa and drank the glass of juice. I couldn’t eat more even though my friends kept on pushing me but I couldn’t swallow even a bit of dosa after that. I left it there and went back to my class with them. While sitting in class around so many people, it felt better. The first half passed by in a blink and after lunch hour we had lab. The first hour in lab was fine but gradually I started feeling uncomfortable. I started feeling cold and my body temperature was rising yet again. I immediately took my medicine, pulled down the sleeves of my shirt and waited for the bell to ring. But in such cases time passes way too slowly. And that was the case. This was the slowest 90 minutes of my life so far. Somehow I managed to pass my time till 4:00pm and as soon as the bell rang I was the first one to get out from the lab. I went straight to the bus stop and took the bus for my home. Fortunately I found a seat in the bus even at this hour. I was hungry and weakness was taking a toll on me with a bit of shivering and fever. After spending whole day at college I had exerted a lot and that made me more tired.

I shouldn’t have gone to college in this condition but I had no other option left. I had to trust my will power or else I will keep on drowning in this ocean of negative thoughts and bad health. I needed some energy to be pumped inside me but on the contrary I was drained out. As soon as I reached home I started searching for something to eat. I didn’t find anything apart from Maggi. So I ended up cooking a pack of Maggi. But again I couldn’t eat. I ate half of the whole thing, took my medicines and went back to sleep. After a bit of struggle I was on the verge of drifting into sleep when my phone rang and it was my cousin who has recently shifted from Bangalore to Chennai. I picked up his call and then I explained him my condition. He asked me if I needed something. I told him if it was possible for him then get some food for me as I was not in any condition to cook anything and going outside was not a good idea. He said he will drop by my place by 9:00pm and disconnected the call. I kept the phone beside my pillow and tried to sleep again. It was 7:00pm that time. After a while I started feeling drowsy but I got up. I decided to put some music so that it will keep me awake till the time my cousin comes by. I got up, put some music on my PC and came back to where I was sleeping. But when I came back to sleep, a sudden shiver shook my whole body. This time it was the worst one so far. I started feeling cold. I switched off the fan immediately and covered myself with 3 bed sheets. But that wasn’t enough. I cursed myself for waking up after almost drifting into sleep. And then after a while I started feeling nauseated. I got up quickly from my bed, went straight to the bathroom and puked my lungs out. I had nothing much in my stomach and whatever came out was only water like last time. But it made me way too weak this time. Last time when I puked I felt better, but this time I almost ran out of my breath while puking. However my head worked at the correct moment and I splashed water on face which gave me a bit of relief. I felt hungry again and nothing was there at my home to eat anything. I was too weak, my head was heavy. I was scared I might black out this time. No one was there at home and if something unusual happens then no one will ever get to know about it. So I opened up all the windows and the door of my flat incase if I faint then someone will spot me. I took a chair and sat near the door. After a while when I couldn’t resist my hunger I asked my landlord to get me a pack of biscuit and immediately he got one for me. I ate four biscuits and had a glass of glucose. I called up my cousin and asked him to get here as soon as he can and asked him to get me some fruits also. I was not sure till what time I will be in my consciousness. I went back to my room and lay down on my bed.

Lying on my bed I was staring at ceiling fan blankly. My mind had so many thoughts to process but it wasn’t able to do it. In past five days I hardly ate anything; my body was not getting the required nutrition and on the top of that puking was not helping either. I was scared for the first time in my life about my health. Whole week I have spent in fear. I was scared what if I lose my consciousness and nobody comes to help me out.  For the first time in my life I saw myself in such critical condition. My body has lost its immunity due to many reasons. One among them was my irregular eating habit. I never had breakfast in I don’t know how many years. And sometimes I use to skip lunch also. It has made my body hollow from inside even though from outside I looked like a tough guy but from within I was breaking. I felt like dying for the first time in my life. I asked god only one question, Why me??? My condition has not improved even a bit in past five days. I was in too much of pain and I wanted to get rid of this pain. I wanted to die at this moment so that my soul will be freed from the pain I was going through and the fear that kept me awake till late hours of morning. A life spent living in fear and pain is not worth living at all. Here I was lying like a lifeless soul on this bed and such insane yet philosophical thoughts invaded my mind. What happens after death? What will happen to this body after my death? Where my soul would go? Will I be able to see the world same way I see now? Or will I turn into ash with my cremation? Several questions started circulating in my head. No wonder why the subject of such questions was so weird. Who thinks of dying every day? Who thinks about life after death concept in their normal life? But here I was, fighting hard with an unknown disease to get my normal life back. The amount of pain that I have gone through in past five days has cleared out my head. They always say, “You need a shock in your life to get your life back on track.” Perhaps that shock was this for me and it cleared out many things in my head. Every day I use to decide what will I do once I am fit again. In my mind I always use to plan how will I keep myself fit again. And this time I was serious about it. I never wondered I would ever see myself in this condition at such an early age of my life. 

People might say, “What were you crying for? You were suffering from only a viral fever and nothing else.” But no one could ever understand how it has turned my life upside down. How it has brought me crashing down back to ground after flying for so long. Everything has its consequences. I never respected my body limits earlier, I always treated it like a machine and in that rush I forgot that everything has its breaking point. Even machines have a breaking point beyond which they can’t take up the load. And that’s was the reason I was in this condition. I saw this coming long back but ignored it completely. I never listened to my mom and dad when they kept on explaining me the benefit of eating at a proper time. And when you do that you always end up suffering with something. I made it a point to visit doctor next morning anyhow. In morning when I was getting ready for my college I thought I will be fine by evening. But it proved out to be a black Friday for me.

My cousin soon arrived with fruits and food for me. Looking at my condition he gave me few contact number of doctors nearby my place. I was just waiting for the morning to arrive. I was just waiting for this night to pass.


“This night will be the longest night of my life…” I reflected.


Tuesday, September 10, 2013

72 hours of my life, which I will never forget...


Never before in my life, had I felt so miserable and helpless. These 72 hours of my life were the most scary, torturous and violent hours of my life. It started from 26th august 2013 when I was down with fever. I thought it’s just the normal seasonal fever which will get better with time. I took medicines and decided to take rest the whole day. But instead of getting better my condition was degrading. I had severe headache with body ache and high fever. Even after gulping down paracetamol tablets nothing happened. And as evening progressed I started shivering with cold. I was shocked to see myself shivering with cold in the hot and humid climate of Chennai. And with all this loss of appetite was the only thing left out. Somehow I managed to eat something but that something was very little, almost negligible. I had a slice of bread and a glass of glucose. I couldn’t eat anything more. My stomach was not ready to accept anything more than that. I took my medicine and tried to sleep but in vain. Sleep was nowhere in sight. My head was aching too much and I started sweating like a pig in a short while. Few minutes ago I was shivering with cold and now I was sweating. I was way too clueless about what was happening to me. Till 4:00am I couldn’t sleep. I was wide awake and after a while somehow I managed to get some sleep. I woke up at around 7:30am my body was boiling with high temperature and I was sweating again. My t-shirt was drenched in my sweat. I brushed my teeth, had four biscuits with a glass of glucose. I took my medicines and went straight to my bed. I was feeling very weak due to not eating anything substantial in past 24 hours. I started feeling cold again. I tried sleeping but the body ache and shivering didn’t help much. And so I was lying on my bed from morning till evening in search of sleep which I didn’t get. But I was not in the condition to do anything else also. My weakness was increasing as time was passing by. I thought of visiting a doctor but then I thought I should wait for a day or two. In evening I got up from my bed and decided to go for a walk. But the moment I got up from my bed my head felt heavy and I almost fell down on my bed again. And after that I couldn’t muster up any courage to go out. I was lying on my bed like one lifeless soul. I tried eating something for my dinner but in vain. I couldn’t swallow anything. Four biscuits or two slices of bread was all that I use to have for my breakfast, lunch and dinner. And staying alone wasn’t helping either when it came to food. I was not in a condition to cook anything for myself and my brother did what he could. I took my medicines and again went back to sleep. I couldn’t sleep again till 4:00am in the morning, and after a while I slept for three hours. And at around 7:00am I woke up again. I was feeling hungry. I got up went straight into the kitchen and pour myself a glass of glucose. As I gulped down the glass of glucose I puked out everything. And whatever came out was only water. I puked my lungs out early in the morning and after that I felt better. I felt relieved from the pain I was going through all this while. I washed my face and I was feeling sleepy. I wanted to sleep. And I had a thought in my mind that when I will wake up I will be absolutely fine. With that thought I went back to sleep and immediately I fell asleep. But when I woke up after few hours my body was again boiling with temperature, my whole body was aching and I had severe headache. My head felt heavy and dizzy. I was hungry but I had 0% energy level to get up. I asked my brother to get me something. And he made an omelet for me. I had that with two slices of bread, took my medicines and after a lot of struggle I got some sleep. And when I woke up I started feeling cold yet again. Everyone suspected that I was suffering from malaria. My symptoms were same as that of malaria. And it’s been two days and my condition was the same. So I decided to get my blood test done. I went to a diagnostic center to get my blood test done. And I was shocked to see that I wasn’t even able to climb up few stairs. I was so weak that whenever I walked I was scared that I might fall down. Somehow I climbed up the stairs and the doctor did my blood test. He asked us to come after one hour to collect the reports. My brother insisted me on waiting there and having dinner outside. But my body exerted so much that I needed a bed to lie down. So I asked my brother to get the reports and something to eat in meanwhile I will go home. 

I took an auto and went back to my home while my brother decided to wait there. As soon as I reached home, I had a glass of glucose and I went straight to my bed. After a while my brother came with food. He brought chapatti and dal for me. He gave me two chapattis with dal. I was not at all in a mood to eat but I ate because I wanted to recover from whatever was this. My taste bud has died after gulping so many medicines. And the problem with people who knows how to cook food is that they can’t tolerate food with bad taste. For one they know that they can cook better so they don’t want to eat anything beyond that level. But I was not in a condition to do anything so I ate in silence. After a while tears started trickling down my cheek. The thought of eating such food always gives me Goosebumps. And when I was actually eating it and knowing the fact that I can’t help it either gave me a feeling of helplessness. I was feeling so helpless at that point of time that I needed someone to motivate me that I will get out of this phase very soon. I needed someone by my side at that moment, who can take care of my health. I needed someone to hold me while I walk. I needed someone to cook food for me. And in the light of that moment when I didn’t find anyone I was broke. I was in pain and it started pouring down my cheek. Somehow I finished those two chapattis only because I waned to recover from this phase. I took my medicine and was preparing to sleep when my brother came with the reports. The report said I was not infected with malaria virus and I felt light after hearing that. But I was advised to take one medicine which they give to the patients when there is a chance of getting infected from the malaria virus. And that tiny medicine turned my world upside down in the next 12 hours.

I took the tablet at midnight and after a while I drifted into deep sleep. I woke up again at around 12:30am, I started hallucinating. I was not dreaming I was hallucinating. Due to the high dosage of medicine and the negligible intake of food I started hallucinating things which I never experienced before in my life.  

I was in the Matrix movie with levels of devils may cry game crushed into it along with few scenes of star trek movie. It was violent and scary. I was drifting between the hallucinating world and the original world. In the original world I had a severe headache while in the virtual world or the hallucination world my mind was attacked by a virus and I was fighting to save myself. To save my mind I had to save Morpheus from the Matrix movie. It may sound stupid and funny but believe me it wasn’t. I have never had such scary and violent hallucinating experience ever in my life. I could feel it; I was hearing a voice whenever I came back to the original world. Everytime I came back I heard a voice which said if you want to live then you have to fight in the virtual world. I couldn’t believe what was happening with me. At first my subconscious mind thought it’s a dream. But whatever was happening was happening in my consciousness and that freaked me out. I was shit scared. It was horrifying, terrifying and the most violent night of my life. The hallucination ended around 3:48am in the morning and after that I couldn’t sleep for the rest of the night…

72 hours were not over yet. It was morning of the third day and my condition was worsening with every day passing by. After the horrible night what happened the next day was a completely different story. The next day I started hallucinating again. Whole day I didn’t do anything. I was lying on my bed as usual. And at night I had my dinner and I went to sleep by 10:30pm. But I couldn’t sleep as usual. And I started talking with two people whom I have never ever seen in my life before but I thought they were lying on my bed by my side. I was into the conversation when I realized after half an hour that there was no one apart from me in the room and I was speaking on behalf of those two imaginary persons. I was hallucinating again. For a while I again thought that maybe I was dreaming but I was wide awake and I was talking to whom I don’t know. I was speaking on behalf of those two persons and myself thinking that they were lying beside me. I was scared again. What was happening to me was the only question which was circulating in my head. After a bit of struggle I finally managed to sleep. But I woke up again at 4:00am in the morning only to find myself hallucinating again. I got up, I felt suffocated. I went upstairs to the terrace to get some fresh air. And I don’t know how and why, I ended up crying my heart out on the terrace early in the morning. Never before in my life had I felt anything of this sort. In past three days what all I have suffered was the first time happening to me with that intensity. I never experienced hallucination though I was always curious to unveil more about it. But when it dawned upon me I was scared and I couldn’t handle it. To all the curious people out there I must tell you it does sound nice but when we get the reality check its quite harsh in actual. I started doubting that I might have lost my mental balance because of the hallucination. I was talking with myself, pretending to be in conversation with two imaginary people who doesn’t even exist and on the top of that I was speaking on their behalf. For the next one hour I kept on crying on the terrace. I couldn’t stop thinking what wrong deed have I done that I was suffering like this. It’s all the consequence of our karma that’s what they say. And I was in a dilemma that what wrong have I done that I was getting punished by the lord. I asked for forgiveness for all my sins, washed my face and went back to sleep. I decided that I will go to college the next day or else I will end up losing my mental balance if I stayed another day at home.



72 hours were over and it was the most torturous and scary time for me. I don’t know who will believe in it and who will not. I am not sure who will believe in the hallucination part, I am not sure how many people will take this seriously. Maybe they will think this as a stupid narration of few funny events. But only I know how I spent these 72 hours of my life. And one thing is there I will never forget these 72 hours of my life ever.


To be continued…