Black Friday…

Continuation from “72 hours of my life which I will never forget…”

I went to college on Friday after spending 72 hours in pain and fear. The only reason behind my going to college was the need for a change in my environment. At home I was alone and surrounded by all the negativities. I had no one to talk to, no one to crack poor jokes unlike in college I was always surrounded by so many people. I took all my medicines with me incase if I felt sick in college I will have it then and there. When I reached my college, first thing I did was have breakfast. I went to the canteen accompanied by two of my friends and ordered a plain dosa with water melon juice. I was way too weak and it showed from the look on my face. It’s been a long time since I went to college so everyone who passed by kept on asking me what has happened to me and I was tired of explaining it to everyone. It felt good though to know so many people were concerned doesn’t matter if that was just for the sake of formality. At this moment I needed such kind of sympathy and motivation from anyone and anywhere it came from. I ate half of the dosa and drank the glass of juice. I couldn’t eat more even though my friends kept on pushing me but I couldn’t swallow even a bit of dosa after that. I left it there and went back to my class with them. While sitting in class around so many people, it felt better. The first half passed by in a blink and after lunch hour we had lab. The first hour in lab was fine but gradually I started feeling uncomfortable. I started feeling cold and my body temperature was rising yet again. I immediately took my medicine, pulled down the sleeves of my shirt and waited for the bell to ring. But in such cases time passes way too slowly. And that was the case. This was the slowest 90 minutes of my life so far. Somehow I managed to pass my time till 4:00pm and as soon as the bell rang I was the first one to get out from the lab. I went straight to the bus stop and took the bus for my home. Fortunately I found a seat in the bus even at this hour. I was hungry and weakness was taking a toll on me with a bit of shivering and fever. After spending whole day at college I had exerted a lot and that made me more tired.

I shouldn’t have gone to college in this condition but I had no other option left. I had to trust my will power or else I will keep on drowning in this ocean of negative thoughts and bad health. I needed some energy to be pumped inside me but on the contrary I was drained out. As soon as I reached home I started searching for something to eat. I didn’t find anything apart from Maggi. So I ended up cooking a pack of Maggi. But again I couldn’t eat. I ate half of the whole thing, took my medicines and went back to sleep. After a bit of struggle I was on the verge of drifting into sleep when my phone rang and it was my cousin who has recently shifted from Bangalore to Chennai. I picked up his call and then I explained him my condition. He asked me if I needed something. I told him if it was possible for him then get some food for me as I was not in any condition to cook anything and going outside was not a good idea. He said he will drop by my place by 9:00pm and disconnected the call. I kept the phone beside my pillow and tried to sleep again. It was 7:00pm that time. After a while I started feeling drowsy but I got up. I decided to put some music so that it will keep me awake till the time my cousin comes by. I got up, put some music on my PC and came back to where I was sleeping. But when I came back to sleep, a sudden shiver shook my whole body. This time it was the worst one so far. I started feeling cold. I switched off the fan immediately and covered myself with 3 bed sheets. But that wasn’t enough. I cursed myself for waking up after almost drifting into sleep. And then after a while I started feeling nauseated. I got up quickly from my bed, went straight to the bathroom and puked my lungs out. I had nothing much in my stomach and whatever came out was only water like last time. But it made me way too weak this time. Last time when I puked I felt better, but this time I almost ran out of my breath while puking. However my head worked at the correct moment and I splashed water on face which gave me a bit of relief. I felt hungry again and nothing was there at my home to eat anything. I was too weak, my head was heavy. I was scared I might black out this time. No one was there at home and if something unusual happens then no one will ever get to know about it. So I opened up all the windows and the door of my flat incase if I faint then someone will spot me. I took a chair and sat near the door. After a while when I couldn’t resist my hunger I asked my landlord to get me a pack of biscuit and immediately he got one for me. I ate four biscuits and had a glass of glucose. I called up my cousin and asked him to get here as soon as he can and asked him to get me some fruits also. I was not sure till what time I will be in my consciousness. I went back to my room and lay down on my bed.

Lying on my bed I was staring at ceiling fan blankly. My mind had so many thoughts to process but it wasn’t able to do it. In past five days I hardly ate anything; my body was not getting the required nutrition and on the top of that puking was not helping either. I was scared for the first time in my life about my health. Whole week I have spent in fear. I was scared what if I lose my consciousness and nobody comes to help me out.  For the first time in my life I saw myself in such critical condition. My body has lost its immunity due to many reasons. One among them was my irregular eating habit. I never had breakfast in I don’t know how many years. And sometimes I use to skip lunch also. It has made my body hollow from inside even though from outside I looked like a tough guy but from within I was breaking. I felt like dying for the first time in my life. I asked god only one question, Why me??? My condition has not improved even a bit in past five days. I was in too much of pain and I wanted to get rid of this pain. I wanted to die at this moment so that my soul will be freed from the pain I was going through and the fear that kept me awake till late hours of morning. A life spent living in fear and pain is not worth living at all. Here I was lying like a lifeless soul on this bed and such insane yet philosophical thoughts invaded my mind. What happens after death? What will happen to this body after my death? Where my soul would go? Will I be able to see the world same way I see now? Or will I turn into ash with my cremation? Several questions started circulating in my head. No wonder why the subject of such questions was so weird. Who thinks of dying every day? Who thinks about life after death concept in their normal life? But here I was, fighting hard with an unknown disease to get my normal life back. The amount of pain that I have gone through in past five days has cleared out my head. They always say, “You need a shock in your life to get your life back on track.” Perhaps that shock was this for me and it cleared out many things in my head. Every day I use to decide what will I do once I am fit again. In my mind I always use to plan how will I keep myself fit again. And this time I was serious about it. I never wondered I would ever see myself in this condition at such an early age of my life. 

People might say, “What were you crying for? You were suffering from only a viral fever and nothing else.” But no one could ever understand how it has turned my life upside down. How it has brought me crashing down back to ground after flying for so long. Everything has its consequences. I never respected my body limits earlier, I always treated it like a machine and in that rush I forgot that everything has its breaking point. Even machines have a breaking point beyond which they can’t take up the load. And that’s was the reason I was in this condition. I saw this coming long back but ignored it completely. I never listened to my mom and dad when they kept on explaining me the benefit of eating at a proper time. And when you do that you always end up suffering with something. I made it a point to visit doctor next morning anyhow. In morning when I was getting ready for my college I thought I will be fine by evening. But it proved out to be a black Friday for me.

My cousin soon arrived with fruits and food for me. Looking at my condition he gave me few contact number of doctors nearby my place. I was just waiting for the morning to arrive. I was just waiting for this night to pass.

“This night will be the longest night of my life…” I reflected.