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Incomplete Love Story

Incomplete Love Story

........

like an unfinished dream, an incomplete story
a letter half written, a forgotten melody;
certain things are better incomplete
like our...

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Everything was fine until Life happened…

Four years of my college went by in a flash; every memory every moment is still fresh and vivid in my mind as if it happened yesterday. I still remember the day; I came to Chennai and joined my college. “I have to spend four years of my life here!” was my first thought. But soon the time picked up its pace and until we realized it we were already at the gate of our college. And in a coming few moths it will be all over. College life will be over. It’s like your phase from sixth grade till tenth grade, back in those times four years seemed like eternity and every day used to pass at snail’s pace. But as we grow older time picks up its pace and before we can even think of something else our life will take a serious turn where the criticality of any situation is damn too much and the complexity of life keeps on multiplying exponentially. And the best part, you can’t do anything about it.

Whenever I look into the mirror I have only one thought in my mind all the time.

I was not so fucking complicated earlier…”

And believe it or not that’s the truth. With everyday passing by we are becoming more and more complicated; our life has become one riddle and all the time it feels as if something or the other is missing from our life. We are running behind something we know nothing about. It’s like being blindfolded still running the race. Hardly there are people who want to do something out of the box. Hardly there is someone who wants to come out of their comfort zone and chase down what they always dreamed about. And if someone does either they are suppressed by others or it becomes too hard for them to fight against all the odds which mostly end up in giving upon their dream. I get wrapped up in this fear quite often. “What if I get lost in this crowd too?”

We have only two choices in life, we can either choose to get lost in the crowd or emerge as a winner. And doesn’t matter how fucked up our life is or it becomes we do have a choice in every situation, even in the darkest of times all we need is a ray of light.

In these four years, three years of my life went off in enjoying the college life, making new friends, sleepless nights before exams, fear of the results, partying, working hard in college fests, volunteering for blood donation camps, organizing college trips, everything was going smoothly and then suddenly it dawned upon us. That we were in final year of our college and with that it was the start of the placement drive. It was something for which everyone was so eagerly waiting from a long time. And then for me, Life happened…

Rejections after rejections in past six months, I have not just tasted failure. I have played with it, and I have been living my life in stress all the time. Doesn’t matter how hard I try not to be so worked up about all this but the complexity of the situation doesn’t even allow me to have a sound sleep at all. And it has given me so many posts for my blog and I am tired of answering people’s question all the time. I know for a fact that I am not the only one who is struggling in this world. There are people in worst situations than me but still surviving. And I don’t compare myself with anyone either. Still who will make others understand that? People think that I think that I am the only one with so much of issues in life. I don’t even know how they can come up with something like this. But that’s what the world do, cook up a whole damn story for you and you don’t even have a slightest of clue when that happened. It’s true that if you check my blog posts of past few months all you will find is one depressing story, motivating at the same time.  

The story about an isolated guy who’s trying hard to make his place, his identity in the crowd so that one day he will shine and the road which have been looking so blurry lately will be cleared out soon one fine day, that day he will emerge as a winner out of this and overcome his fear of getting lost in the crowd.


Everything was going fine until Life happened…” I reflected.


Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Dark times…

Dark times lie ahead
Hovering like clouds over my head
What wrong I did, I often reflect
They all say it’s your fate
Coz often you get things quite late
All you have to do is stay awake
Until you get that one call
And then you shall never fall
The only one thing that I pray
Waiting eagerly for that day

Break a leg or blow up your head
But make sure you get it before you are dead
We live among those hypocrites
Who knows to talk but never act?
They will make life hell if you dream
Whip you up like cream
I have befriended the darkness now
Tired of them today I take a vow
Soon I am gonna end this
That’s my only wish…





Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Wish I could become a kid all over again…

After sometime when the clock will tick 00:00, I will turn twenty three years old. Another amazing chapter of my life will get completed and a new chapter will begin. Every ending is the start of something new. I have come across many such people in my life so far who always say that they don’t believe in celebrating their birthday’s just because they think that one year from their life will get reduced and they are one step closer to their death. There’s always two ways of seeing things like how there are two sides of a coin, two faces of people and so on… but if you see this from a positive perspective then you have lived one more great year of your life, you have sailed through all those storms and danced to all those tunes of life so far successfully. As I always say, it’s our perspective to look at things which matters the most which makes you different from the crowd. However if I were granted a wish then I would love to become a kid all over again. I miss being a kid now, I miss all those pranks, all those fun and most importantly I miss being carefree about the world and do what I always wanted to do.

If I wanted to become superman all it required me to do was tie a towel around my neck and jump off the bed imagining that I was flying like him. That time everything seemed so simple there was no space for any logical explanations or practical possibilities in life over which we break our head now. Now if we got to do something we have got to think about it “N” numbers of times analyse all the possibilities, note down all the worst case scenarios and then end up saying, “I don’t think so this is practically possible.” Or “you are not being practical man.”

As we grow up, we are burdened with hell lot of responsibilities, expectations of people and most importantly fear. We are not grown-ups. We are a bunch of unsecured people who don’t have believe in their will and who do not want to take risks in life. Because we believe that might spoil our comfort zone. When we were a kid, all we wanted to do was to grow up so that we can put our dreams into reality, so that we can let our imagination fly and fly above the sky. Turn our fantasy into reality. Because back then everyone use to shut us up whenever we tried making our point saying, “you are just a kid what do you know about it?”

And as we grew up, the burden of responsibilities and living up to everyone’s expectation started putting us into a fix and we started living our life more in fear than the fantasy which once use to rule our mind all the time. As I will turn one more year older after sometime, I wish that I live my dream, which I have been knitting so meticulously since childhood and chase it until I have it in my life. I don’t want to turn into some grumpy man who always broods over things. Instead I want to fly above the sky and push myself quite hard until I reach my destination. And on that note I would like to quote,
Don’t let that naughty kid inside you fade away from your life, that’s the only thing which brings you back into life…”


Happy birthday to me…


Monday, January 20, 2014

When I look back…I feel good!!!

I wanted to do this long back when that day arrived, when the clock ticked twelve and the whole world was busy celebrating the New Year in a hope that with this new beginning new hopes would arrive in their life. Since I was unavailable I couldn’t do what I always wanted to do. Blog about the entire year experience compiled in a nutshell and post it as soon as the clock ticked 00:00.

When I look back today, the year 2013 has been the most exciting year of my life so far in which I had experienced a lot of things which in some way has made me a good human being, changed the course of my life and gave a new perspective to look at life. When the year 2013 started, that time I was busy expanding our online magazine Wake India Now (WIN). We wanted to reach out to as many people as we could and hopefully to a certain extent we succeeded in achieving that. I had experienced the thrill of life in the entire year whether it was chilling out with friends in places like Goa, Pondi, Bangalore or getting rejections after rejections in all the interviews I went in. When all my hopes was lost somewhere, deep within I knew that sooner or later I am going to make it. It is just a matter of time. I received over ten rejection letters from different publishing houses where I had sent my book for getting published. It took me almost three and a half years to complete that book and in one stroke it felt like as if my whole effort was going into vain. And then suddenly on one fine evening in the month of February the sun winked at me and I got a green signal from one such publishing house who were actually glad with my work and wanted to work with me on my book. However I was asked to wait and whole year went by in the wait, the wait for the final confirmation, the wait for that one mail saying we would like to publish your book. However the wait is still on and I hope that day will arrive very soon in my life when I will have what I always dreamt of. 

Life is unpredictable and it was throughout the year 2013. Whenever I thought that now things were falling back to its right places, always it was erupted by the truth of life leaving my hopes in despair. Every day was passed thinking when this phase will get over when I will see the shinning bright sun, when life will surprise me with its surprises when I will see the light in the end of this endless tunnel. From feeling loved to be left isolated, from being angry to jumping out of joy over small small things, I have experienced almost every feeling existing in this world. And now when the year 2013 is over, I feel glad about it. I feel glad about all those happiness that came into my life, be it small or big. About all those tough times when I was sailing through the rough sea standing tall in front of every storm and getting up every time after being fallen. Moreover the fact that I had spent one more year of my life chasing my dreams gives me the immense feeling of satisfaction and happiness.

I feel glad about every little mad thing I did. I feel glad about all those meetings with people whom I came across. I feel glad about all the decisions that I made which somehow brought my life to a right path and a step closer to my destination. And whatever bad happened should be left from the past and making sure that we learnt from it, learnt about those mistakes that we committed hoping won’t be repeating in future.
And with that hope I would like to share a very nice quote which says,


“Enjoy your youth. You will never be this young again ever in your life. So sit back, relax and take a deep breathe…”


Saturday, January 4, 2014

Am I lost? Or it’s just a feeling…

Sometimes in life, there comes a point where you have no idea what have you been doing your entire life so far. You go blank for a moment which makes you doubtful for whatever you have been trying to do. Although sitting amidst of everyone, you feel lonely. You feel as if time is picking up the pace and somewhere down the line you are losing the grip. But was it even present before when you screwed up? If it was, then how come you landed yourself up in a deep shit like this? How you ended up losing the grip which once use to direct the boat of your life towards something new. Why there is always a bad feeling about everything? Why life seems to be more complex than usual? Where I look these days all I find is close doors, and if few doors are open they get closed when I reach them. And now I realize how tough it gets for you when you want to make your identity among the crowd. And I know how those people must have felt exactly while they were going through such phase. They all say when this will end you will come out with flying colors. But it is easy to say so, tougher it gets when you have to live it every second of your life.


As the New Year begins, it brings in a lot of hope and happiness for everyone. I am still waiting for mine to arrive at my door. Although after facing so much, I have been strong all the time. I have not just faced failure; I have tasted it all this while. Even after reaching so close at one point, it felt as if I will never make it there. I am still far away from it. I have accepted every rejection of mine with a smile on my face and optimism in my heart that if not this then may be the next. But after all this while I am still standing there. However a lot of things have happened and changed lately in my life which has affected every aspect of my life in every possible way. But still I have never shown that little frown on my face ever. I still stand tall in front of the storm that I am facing right now hoping it would end soon and I hope to see a bright light in the end of this tunnel soon. And with that hope I get up every morning and in that hope I go to bed every night. But at some moment like this, I start feeling that I am lost somewhere. 

Though you exist there physically but your mind is not. It is indulged in some deep complex chain of thoughts which gets multiplied exponentially in a series of chain of thoughts and you start drowning in those thoughts. And you feel suffocated, you feel choked and all you want to do is scream your lungs out, bang the bottle kept next to you in the mirror, break those wall and set yourself free from this cage, from this prison of disappointment and failure.

I don’t know whether it makes senses or not. Sometimes it’s better to pour out your heart instead of thinking about the sense that it may make or not. One should write when that urge comes from within to jot down your thoughts, pour out your heart out. It’s like you sing out your miseries, your worries, your pain still it sounds nice. But it may not be any nicer to experience it. On a lighter note, I am just trying to figure it out whether I am really lost somewhere or it is just some random feeling…