Flashback...

“It’s been two months now since I came here.” I said

“Seriously man. Time passes by so quickly” said Anirudh

“Yeah” I said

“What do you think about this part of your life?” asked Anirudh

“I call this small part of my life ‘Happiness’. You know, I was quite bad in meeting deadlines. And now after being able to do that and live up to my expectation, it feels great. If this is how one feels when dreams start turning into reality then yeah I am living my dream and most importantly, enjoying it. Despite the workload and working over-time every day, I don’t complain. Although, I have no weekends to spare for myself, I am happy.” I said

“Man, seriously. I can feel that energy. It must be a great feeling.” He said

I remember throughout my life, I have been so undisciplined. I never managed to do things on time; except for a few that I loved to do. I remember how I used to get scolded from everyone, and how I used to just let it go with a smile on my face. But when I landed here, I knew there was no turning back. Doesn’t matter how tough life gets, I have to survive it.

I still can’t forget the final review of my project. The day when everything possibly went wrong and how I managed to survive that. The day, when I had to borrow formals before giving my presentation as I was unaware of the fact that we were supposed to come in formals. The day, when in the middle of our final presentation, my team mate’s phone started ringing, not once but twice. The day, when during the demo suddenly something happened and our software stopped working. Despite of everything that went wrong, we managed to perform things which we were not sure about.

At one point I thought I am not gonna make it. But when we showed the demo of our project, that one moment saved the day for us. The way we managed to pull it off left me in the awe of that moment. I regained my confidence which was shattered the moment I entered the conference room. And that day I felt there was some supreme power above us, which actually saved our ass. There was someone sitting out there who kept a close eye on us.  

I remember the moment when our guide told us that she can’t do anything to help us. She had to approve our project before we give the presentation. If she doesn’t approve it, we fail. Three of us were sitting in the corridor while everyone was busy preparing their presentations. We looked at each other and didn’t utter a word. Things started flashing in our head, what if we have to repeat this project again? One more year.

That very moment I got up, “Where are you going?” asked Pranav.

“I can’t sit like this and do nothing about it.” I said

“What we can do about it? Whatever we did, everything has gone in vain. There is no use of trying anything now.” He replied

“I know things are not in our favor. But we got to try till the very last moment. Can you think of spending one more year here while everyone will be loading their bank accounts with cash?”

“What can we do?” he asked me

“Do things that we have never done before in our life. Beg for one chance to show our project, from there we can take it to a new level.”

“Okay. Let’s go.” He said

Had he not supported me that time, I wouldn’t be here, living my dream, as what I love to call it. I would have been stucked in that college for one more year with no justification to give to my parents. In short, my life would have been screwed.

We entered our guide’s cabin again, she refused even to talk to us. She pretended as if she was very busy. It was quite frustrating, yet we were supposed to be patient. We tried thrice to talk to her, she didn’t. Left with no other option, we were about to leave when she called us back in.

“What you want me to do?” asked our guide

“Ma’am I know we couldn’t meet few deadlines, but we have worked really hard for this. I can’t think about spending one more year here.” I said

“I am not going to correct your reports; it will go to the authority the way you guys have made it. I will sign wherever you want me to but do not expect any sort of help from my end. Whatever happens in conference room, you guys have to pull it off. If you manage to impress the board with your project then well and good, or else you will have to spend another year here. And believe me; I am not going to make this easy for you guys once you start with your presentation. I don’t have any personal grudge with anyone of you; it’s the fruit of your deed. Are you ready?” she said

“Yes ma’am” we said in unison

She signed our reports; we came out and started preparing for our presentation. Every other group’s reports were corrected by their guide, ours not. Their presentation was corrected by their guide, ours not. We knew we were at disadvantage and they will try their best to bring us down. They need just one reason to screw us up.

All we had was few hours, six reports and a presentation to prove ourselves. We entered the conference room, I saw my guide sitting there beside our project coordinator and the main guy, in whose hands our fate rested.

We submitted our reports and then our guide and coordinator started bitching about us to the main guy. It seemed as if they were not our guide and project coordinator. It seemed more like they were someone who wanted three of us to fail. They tried everything to break us.

“You guys don’t want to pass?” asked the main guy

“Can we start with the presentation?” we said

“Okay. Let’s see what you have done.” He said

We started with our presentation, it was decided Pranav would start the presentation then I will join followed by Anirudh and then I will conclude it. But that didn’t happen. The moment Pranav started with the presentation, his phone started ringing. Immediately he put it on silent and I covered his slides so that there was no break. After a while, his phone again started ringing and this time it pissed everyone off. I asked him to switch it off and again our project coordinator and guide started ranting about it.

Somehow we managed to finish off our presentation and then they started firing question at us which we tried to answer in best possible way. Few we knew, few we didn’t. But we didn’t tell them that we don’t know; we figured out the answers and told whatever we knew about the subject. The problem was, purposely they were asking us questions which we didn’t know.

“Good enough. Show me your demo.” He said

We showed the demo of our project. He asked few more questions which we answered easily.

“Do one thing, I want you to make few changes now in your project and then show me the demo. If it works, you pass. If it doesn’t then I don’t need to tell you anything more.” He said

He told us what he wanted us to do. I took the laptop and went out. We started working on it. We were able to make those changes but it didn’t work. We got panic. We tried once, nothing happened. Twice, still nothing happened. And we kept on trying. But nothing happened.

Pranav and Anirudh sat on the floor distressed. I kept on trying. The feeling of failing again started enveloping us, it was scary. Mind started wandering to different places, sweat appeared on my forehead, head turned heavy and I choked. I was close to tears, cursing God for making our life hell. My hands were shivering with fear; I was planning to switch from engineering to journalism. If I fail today, then that will never happen and life will be doomed. I kept on trying and then suddenly it worked. Whatever I did, I don’t even remember what it was but our project worked.

I took the laptop and ran inside the conference room with full speed. Anirudh and Pranav followed me. We went inside, kept my laptop on the table in front of them and started showing the demo.

They were shocked to see us. They tried asking innumerous questions again but this time I had regained my confidence and answered every question with ease. They tried everything they could have to restrict us but they failed.

“Nothing can stop you guys now. I am happy with your work.” He said

“You guys made it.” Said our project coordinator

Goosebumps, sweat beads and tears. We came out, screamed, shrieked and yelled. It was party time. Now we knew nothing can stop us. It wasn’t easy as it seemed. But we did it. In a moment, things changed quite dramatically. A moment before we were not sure whether we will pass or not. And here we were. We held our head high and chest pumped up with joy. Everyone congratulated us. They knew we had no one to help us and we were showered with tough questions yet managed to pull it off in style.

Finally before leaving, we met our guide and undoubtedly she was impressed. She seemed satisfied now. She gave us few tips for future and wished us luck. Things started falling back at its right place. The project coordinator seemed happy too.

When I recall this moment, I feel happy and satisfied. Time is the best teacher and it teaches us everything which is necessary for that moment. Four years in engineering I enjoyed a lot, and life was really easy. Now I work every day, in past two months I got just two days as a leave. Every day I chase deadline, go out to cover some story, try to master the art of photography, design newspaper and work my ass off. I come back quite late at night and all I do is sleep. I feel sleep deprived at times, but I am happy with the way life is going. I have no complains now. N fact it feels as if time is less and there are lots of things which I have to do.

After all this, I have realized one thing. If you want to do something big in life, you have to make your own path. You cannot wait for the opportunity, you have to jump and grab every opportunity which comes your way.   

Life was not unfair, it was my past deeds…

Amidst the ruins of Feroz Shah Kotla, a man in his late forties, messed up grey hair, rugged beard dressed in decent clothes unwashed for a while sits among the lot of beggars with hopeful eyes and regret in his heart, waits for that day when he will be able to walk again.

In first sight, one would get confused with his personality which gives the impression of a decent background, Sunil Agarwal finds it difficult to survive in the city. An accident and his past deeds, which not only took away his livelihood but his family in one stroke, he feels despised by his deeds which has turned his life upside-down.

Born and brought up in Mughalsarai, Uttar Pradesh; Sunil Agarwal used to run his clothes business. Belonging from a business-class family, he made a place in his community with his business skills. Not long before, he replays the moments of his joyful life, and reflects how his bad habits turned into a curse for him.

When a person starts succeeding in his life, then sometimes it gets tough to handle it. As a consequence, he too became the victim of own life. His drinking habits exponentially increased with time and money flowing into his life turned him into a gambler. Most of the time, he used to be drunk and losing every day in gambling frustration was seeping through in his life and it started reflecting in his business. The money that he used to earn through his business were flowed mindlessly in evening.

As days passed, his business went down and he had no option but to shut it down. He lost every penny that he earned and as a result he was cast away from his own community. With no money in bank and three mouths to feed, he arrived in Delhi last year in search of a job. Luckily he found one in a retail store at Chawri Bazaar. He rented out a small house in Chandni Chawk and life seemed to look upon him once again. But his drinking habits still continued to distract him from his work.

“My wife lost her trust in me when we were forced to leave our ancestral home and come to Delhi. She used to abuse me daily and I knew that it was because of my deeds. I deserved it.”

Every night there used to be fights, abuses and a dose of mocking that he used to get every time he sat idle in his home. Life wasn’t unfair, it was the result of his past deeds and not been able to live up to the expectation of his family, he was distressed. Although his son was the only constant source of encouragement which he got. His son started working and used to help him to manage the household. But when unable to manage his household, his wife threw him out of the house when he didn’t mend his ways.

“I was thrown out of my own house for the second time. That night I got drunk and passed out. When I opened my eyes I was in pain and my leg didn’t move.”

He met an accident that night which turned him into a crippled. With no money to spare for his medication, the condition of his leg was really bad. Since then he had been living outside the gate of Feroz Shah Kotla. Every Thursday when people come here to offer prayer, he manages to earn little which he uses to survive throughout the week.

He has realised his mistake but it’s too late now. However he wish to get up someday on his own legs and start working again. He never enter the Kotla premises. He feels he don’t deserve to enter inside.

“I don’t want to enter the part of the Masjid, I feel unfit and unworthy of the place. I would only enter the shrine when he is able to walk and work again.” he said

Sunil Agarwal sitting outside the gate of Feroz Shah Kotla.