Life was not unfair, it was my past deeds…

Amidst the ruins of Feroz Shah Kotla, a man in his late forties, messed up grey hair, rugged beard dressed in decent clothes unwashed for a while sits among the lot of beggars with hopeful eyes and regret in his heart, waits for that day when he will be able to walk again.

In first sight, one would get confused with his personality which gives the impression of a decent background, Sunil Agarwal finds it difficult to survive in the city. An accident and his past deeds, which not only took away his livelihood but his family in one stroke, he feels despised by his deeds which has turned his life upside-down.

Born and brought up in Mughalsarai, Uttar Pradesh; Sunil Agarwal used to run his clothes business. Belonging from a business-class family, he made a place in his community with his business skills. Not long before, he replays the moments of his joyful life, and reflects how his bad habits turned into a curse for him.

When a person starts succeeding in his life, then sometimes it gets tough to handle it. As a consequence, he too became the victim of own life. His drinking habits exponentially increased with time and money flowing into his life turned him into a gambler. Most of the time, he used to be drunk and losing every day in gambling frustration was seeping through in his life and it started reflecting in his business. The money that he used to earn through his business were flowed mindlessly in evening.

As days passed, his business went down and he had no option but to shut it down. He lost every penny that he earned and as a result he was cast away from his own community. With no money in bank and three mouths to feed, he arrived in Delhi last year in search of a job. Luckily he found one in a retail store at Chawri Bazaar. He rented out a small house in Chandni Chawk and life seemed to look upon him once again. But his drinking habits still continued to distract him from his work.

“My wife lost her trust in me when we were forced to leave our ancestral home and come to Delhi. She used to abuse me daily and I knew that it was because of my deeds. I deserved it.”

Every night there used to be fights, abuses and a dose of mocking that he used to get every time he sat idle in his home. Life wasn’t unfair, it was the result of his past deeds and not been able to live up to the expectation of his family, he was distressed. Although his son was the only constant source of encouragement which he got. His son started working and used to help him to manage the household. But when unable to manage his household, his wife threw him out of the house when he didn’t mend his ways.

“I was thrown out of my own house for the second time. That night I got drunk and passed out. When I opened my eyes I was in pain and my leg didn’t move.”

He met an accident that night which turned him into a crippled. With no money to spare for his medication, the condition of his leg was really bad. Since then he had been living outside the gate of Feroz Shah Kotla. Every Thursday when people come here to offer prayer, he manages to earn little which he uses to survive throughout the week.

He has realised his mistake but it’s too late now. However he wish to get up someday on his own legs and start working again. He never enter the Kotla premises. He feels he don’t deserve to enter inside.

“I don’t want to enter the part of the Masjid, I feel unfit and unworthy of the place. I would only enter the shrine when he is able to walk and work again.” he said

Sunil Agarwal sitting outside the gate of Feroz Shah Kotla.