The Seekers of Selfdom - Part V

King Atanu had brought Achyut in, to seek his help and expertise in trading. It is been over two months since Achyut joined his kingdom and things have improved. He brought in many more contacts, which the kingdom lacked.

King Atanu was really happy the way things have flourished.

But Tamina wasn't happy with the way things were going. She overheard the conversation of her father and mother. Achyut had asked for her hand for his son Achintya. King Atanu wanted Tamina to marry Achintya.

Queen Moly tried to make Atanu understand that Tamina was not ready for marriage yet. But Atanu had clearly ordered Moly to convince Tamina as he has already promised Achyut and he cannot break his promise.

Tamina returned to her room, she was broken. She stood by her kingdom for her father but he was forcing her to marry his friend's son now.

She felt hurt. She wanted to run away. She knew if she married Achintya then neither of them will be happy.

She loved Marc and she wanted to wait for him. Even though the certainty of Marc returning to her kingdom was negligible. She was not even sure whether he loved her. But still she wanted to wait for him.

Queen Moly came inside Tamina room and she noticed her moist eyes.

"What happened my child?" She asked her

"I heard your conversation with father. I can't marry Achintya," Tamina said and broke down in her mother's arm.

Moly hugged her tightly and a lone tear trickled down her cheek. "I tried to talk to your father but he has already promised his friend. And you know he cannot break his promise. You should spend some time with Achintya and maybe you will start liking him. You will have to marry Tamina," Moly said.

It was late at night, when Tamina woke up from a nightmare. The same nightmare has been haunting her from a long time now. It was about Marc. She was worried about him. “What if he is in danger?” She thought to herself.

“But how I am going to find him?” She asked herself. She was surprised that how she can feel about someone, whom she met once and she was not even sure whether she will see him again.

“I cannot marry Achintya,” she reflected. But she didn’t know what to do. Her father won’t listen to her, she was sure and she had only one option – to leave her palace and wander in search of him.

She has never thought about leaving her kingdom before. Tears rolled up in her eyes. She sat down on her bed, held her head with her hands and broke down.

“Why I am feeling this way?” she asked herself.

“Where is Marc? Does he even care about me? What if I leave behind everything for nothing?” Questions kept darting in her head.

She got up from her bed, changed her clothes. She covered her face with a cloth, kept her sword in the cover and sat down on her bed. She should leave a note behind at least, she thought. She took out a piece of paper and ink.

Father,

I am sorry that I have to leave you like this, but I cannot marry the person you have chosen for me. You may be right in your own way, but I cannot marry him.

I am going in search of myself and I would request to wait for me. I will come back when my search is over and I am trained enough to take care of myself.

Maybe, I am not as good a daughter as good a father you are. Take care of mother and the kingdom while I am gone. I will write to you, whenever it is possible.

Love

Tamina

She folded the piece of paper and kept it on the table in her room. She took her sword, pulled up the window pane and jumped off. Tamina had trained her to evade from the eyes of the soldiers, who man the palace. She has been sneaking out from her room to visit the lakeside but today she knew she will have to go beyond it.

She walked down the dark forest without looking back, she knew if she looks back then she might become weak and then she won’t be able to go in search of Marc and she will have to marry Achintya. She stopped midway, mustered up all her courage and looked back at the palace.

“I will come back when my search is over Father, I will come back,” she said and marched ahead. She had covered her face, so no one could identify her. It was really difficult for a princess to wander in the middle of night, especially when things are not going well in your kingdom.

Tamina however, was confident of herself and the training that she had gone through. She was trained enough to keep herself safe. After walking continuously for almost an hour, she decided to take some rest. She sat down near a tree, kept her sword and closed her eyes for a bit. Flashes of how she met Marc started circulating in her mind. She was not in this world anymore, she knew. She had surrendered her soul to him, she knew. And finding him is the only option she had, she reflected.

“What is so special about being in love?” she asked herself.

“It gives you the courage to do anything. I would have never thought of leaving the kingdom like this way ever, it is only because of Marc, I was able to overcome my fears and go beyond it,” her heart replied.

“But do you realise what your parents will go through?” the mind asked.

“I know, they will be tensed. But how can they decide my life on their own? I should at least have the say, when it comes to my marriage. My father married the person he wanted, then why I shouldn’t do the same?” replied the heart.

“But what if Achyut take advantage of the situation and dethrones your father?” the mind asked again.

“Then I will come back for his head,” her heart said and continued, “I know what I have done will hurt a lot of people. But eventually things will fall in its right place and then they will understand the reason.”

There was an eerie silence, Tamina could hear the little creatures of night, and it was a full moon day. She looked at the moon and said, “Help me find Marc. Show me light, when there is darkness around. Hold my hand, when I fall. Give me strength when I am drained.”

“Marc, I am coming for you. Wherever you are, I will find you. And I know when I find you, we don’t need words to say anything. I know you are in love with me as much as I am because my heart can feel your presence in here. There are several questions in my head, why you didn’t come back for me? Maybe you tried and you couldn’t. I don’t know but I can’t wait. In every story, the guy comes for the girl. But in our story, the girl has left her world to find her guy. Wait for me,” Tamina said to herself and started walking again. It was dawn.

She stood there atop a high ground as the sun rose from the east. The first light of the day filled her heart with much needed energy. She could see the kingdom from the high ground, named after its queen, Satyaki. She had heard so much about the queen and how the kingdom was named after her, who was a fierce warrior of her time and since that day she had decided to learn combat and lead in the battle. But she could lead only once, and her father made her promise him that she will never be a part of any battle.

“I need to meet the queen but she should never know who I am,” she said to herself and started walking towards Satyaki kingdom.

There was chaos in Atanu’s kingdom. The helper had come to Tamina room to wake her up but when she couldn’t find her in the room, she read the note that Tamina had left behind. She immediately rushed to King Atanu and showed her the note.

Atanu was angry and shattered at the same time. He was worried about Tamina whereabouts more than the reason why she had to leave the kingdom. He was worried and several questions darted into his head.

“What if she gets caught by our enemies?” he thought in his head and ordered his men to go out in search of her.

Molly didn’t seem surprise. She knew deep down her daughter won’t hold back her feelings and she will fight it. A lone tear trickled from her eyes. She was worried about Tamina too.

“If anything happens to my daughter, I will never forgive you,” Molly said to Atanu and went inside her room.

Satyaki Kingdom was way too different from her kingdom. Women were not supposed to cover their faces here and there was a positive vibe around. Satyaki had alliances with almost every ruler around her kingdom. She had made a pact with all the rulers and she was most respected among the other rulers. Atanu, on the other hand, had started earning respect for his deeds but he lost in front of his own daughter.

Tamina was thirsty. She found a well where all the women were getting water for their houses. She walked towards the well. All the women there gave her a hard look.

“Who are you?” asked one of the women.

“I am a traveller. I have come to your kingdom to meet the queen. I have heard so much about her,” Tamina replied and she was amazed how she said the exact same thing that Marc had told her when she had asked him the same question.

“You look tired. Come, I will pour some water for you,” said the women.

“Thank you,” Tamina was pleased.

“My name is Tanna,” Tamina said to the women and greeted others. She had to change her name just in case if the word spreads here then she might get into trouble.

“My name is Chandrima,” said the women who poured water for her. “You can stay at my house,” said Chandrima.

“Thank You,” Tamina replied.    

Chandrima walked Tamina to her home, it was small hut but from inside it was indeed beautiful. The house was decorated with handmade crafts and beautiful paintings.

“Do you paint?” Tamina asked her.

“Oh no, my daughter does. Her name is Sanyukta,” replied Chandrima.

“How old is she? This is beautiful,” Tamina said.

“She is 12 year old. Her painting help us to earn some money also. We trade them for food and other stuff,” Chandrima replied. Tamina felt really bad. Living in a palace, she has never tasted how life is without money and power.

“A few days ago, another traveller came to our kingdom. He stayed here. His name was Marc. He told us after he leaves, a girl will also come and I should take care of her. Are you the same girl?” Chandrima asked her out of the blue.

Tamina was taken aback. She never expected this.

“He also left a note for you,” Chandrima said and handed a note to her and left.

Tamina stood there in disbelief. She held the note written by Marc for her, her heart skipped a beat. He knew that she would come in search of him, how can he be so sure? She reflected.

She was feeling amazed and loved. He had arranged a place for her too. He knew Tamina had not wandered alone. She was so sure now that he loves her too.

She unwrapped the handwritten note, sat down on the floor and started reading it.

Dear Tamina,

I know sooner or later you will come in search of me and when you do that, you will cross this kingdom like I did. I don’t know why I am leaving a note for you even though I am not sure whether you will ever get to read this or not.

But if you do, then I hope you will get my message and if you are reading this, it means that even you love me like I do.

I know it is very different. Out of the place it seems like. We met and something about you stayed with me. The night when you came into my room and when you tried to help you out, I wanted to tell you then and there about how I was feeling. But then I was not sure whether you have realised it or not and that is why I walked away without saying goodbye to you because I knew you will realise one day and when you do that I know you will come to find me, for the fierce warrior you are.

You must be thinking, how can I be so sure? I could read your eyes when you had come to my room that night. I could sense that there is an immense pain that you have suppressed within your heart, a lot of secrets that you have kept locked inside your heart and the key is lost somewhere within you.

I could sense that you were doing something because you were told to do so, but deep within you always wanted things to end differently.

I had to leave Satyaki Kingdom soon as I couldn’t live at Chandrima house forever and I am leaving because I am not sure when you will arrive. But I am heading further north and wherever I will go, I will leave a note for you. Maybe that will help you to find me.

I hope to see you sooner, hope to embrace you in my arms sooner for our souls are intertwined with each other and the world cannot stop us to meet.

Love

Marc

Tears rolled up in her eyes. Tamina sat there and re-read the letter. She kissed the letter and felt the words scribbled by Marc over it. And she sat there as tears kept rolling down her cheek. She wasn’t sad, she was relieved to know that her heart didn’t lie to her. That she knew deep down that maybe even he likes her. And after knowing that Marc feels the same way as she does, she couldn’t control herself and she broke down. 

Source: https://www.artmajeur.com/medias/standard/s/i/silvio/artwork/6927277_lostintime3.jpg

A walk down the memory lane...

There are times in your life, when you dream something and then you cannot help but keep reflecting on what you saw in those few hours. Same happened today with me, in the evening when I took a small nap.

The craze that I have for time travelling actually did happen, for once while I was lost in my dream world.

It is the summer of 2009, I am in Bangalore walking in the lanes of Bhoopsandra road. That is where my cousin Pranay used to live then, in his tiny yet beautiful one room apartment. While I am walking towards his apartment, I saw the younger me.

It has been a long time since I visited this area, my cousin lived here for many years and I visited him a lot during the two years that I spent in Hyderabad. But this time, the younger version of me was here for some other reason.

He had just given his 12^th board examinations and the entrance exams for various engineering colleges. And he was sure, he won’t be getting a rank in any of them. He was scared and his time was over in Hyderabad. This time he didn’t wish to go back to his hometown Patna, he was feeling guilty of disappointing his parents all over again. He couldn’t face them and he chose to bunk at his cousin’s place doing nothing whole day.

Maybe he just wanted to forget the reality for some time. But he knew he cannot evade from the reality for a long time.

I walk upstairs to the apartment, making my way through the balcony where Tommy, the landlord’s dog; who used to hang out with the younger version of me, was sleeping.

I peep through the window and the younger version of me is having a conversation with my cousin. He is trying to persuade me to get on with life.

“Life will give you jolts every now and then but you have to face them. I don’t mind you staying here but you need to understand your situation and act accordingly. If you don’t feel like going back to Patna, you can stay here and take tuitions for the exams,” Pranay said.

“I know. I am not trying to evade from the reality. I am just preparing myself mentally. I don’t know whether I really want to pursue engineering but I don’t know what the other options are. I don’t know what I am good at and the fact that I disappointed mummy papa again after my 10^th board exams makes me feel guilty. I know they will never mention in front of me but I don’t have the heart to just walk in there,” said the younger version of me.

I had a clean shaved look back then, never tried growing beard and a different hairstyle. I was so much influenced by my surroundings then that I ended up changing my personality to fit in somewhere. This is something I have never told anyone except Tanushree Mukherjee but deep down, I know it was influential then.

“You have to figure it out. If not engineering then what is the other option. I cannot help you with that. No one can. And I understand. Even I was in the same phase. I flunked in my board exams and wanted to become a doctor. But when that didn’t happen, I took the alternative route through biotechnology and every day now I am trying to work hard to get where I wish to see myself. I want to tell you that life doesn’t stop. Failures are one important part that we must embrace but also learn. If the door is not opening now, then maybe you need to try the other door,” Pranay said.

The younger version of me looked tired. He was not annoyed by the fact that everyone was saying him the same thing. But he was feeling helpless. He didn’t know what to do with his life. And he was really immature back then.

Looking at the younger version of me made me think for a moment. While I was standing in the balcony, I reflected that how naïve I was once upon a time and how the challenges of life turned me into the way I am now.

The younger version of me excused himself and decided to take a walk. I immediately went downstairs and hid behind a car. When I reached here somehow, I wanted to meet the younger version of me and maybe sit with him and talk. But suddenly I realised that I cannot do that.

I cannot ruin the party for him. He has no clue what life is going to offer him. He has no clue that he will be crushed by life for another five years and those challenges of life is what going to turn him into a person which is the future me. I cannot take it away from him.

I saw him getting down from the stairs, folding his sleeve of the shirt. He took his phone out and called one of his friend, I didn’t get the name though. While he was walking aimlessly talking over the phone, laughing out loudly and cracking jokes about how he couldn’t crack any of the exams and he don’t want to go back to Patna, I kept walking behind him. I kept following him.

He went to a mobile shop and recharged his phone, bought a pack of britania cake and cold drinks and started walking again. And then he sat near a restaurant on the main road, where he usually used to sit and talk on phone for hours.

I was standing at a distance, it felt good deep down to see me that way. To know that I was once really immature and I didn’t care much about the people. But I seemed happy in my own way. Even today I am happy in my own way, but the challenges of life has turned me into such a mature person that sometimes I do feel the need of not making sense.

I stood there watching him, and I smiled at myself. “You will grow beard one day boy and you will meet the person meant for you. And you will realise that your world was never this beautiful. It will take time though, she will arrive when you will be feeling that there is no meaning to your life. When you will shattered and then she will arrive in the most unexpected way and then your life will blossom. And not just that she will change your life in the most needed way but you my boy will show her light. Because one day she will be as lost as you are now and by then you will know what it is like to be lost. You will make some really good friends, who will be willing to go to any extreme for you, our parents, which you think is not able to understand you now, will ask you to wander into the unknown and your brother will be always there as the pillar of strength. You are going to win my boy, challenges will never stop but you will learn to fight,” I whispered to myself looking at the younger version of me.

I started walking back, I left the younger version of me with his own thoughts and life. Also, because I know how things are going to fall in to the right place but yes there is a storm awaiting for him. And he needs to go through that storm. For a moment, I also thought if he doesn’t go through what is awaiting next, then maybe the future version of me will be entirely different.

“I am not going to like that version of me. I like this version more,” I said to myself. And I woke up.  

Source: https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BVO9lweqFHE/VIgOYsF2rlI/AAAAAAAATH0/1CqH4eFE4XE/s1600/01%2Btime%2Btravel%2Bmachine.jpg

The Seekers of Selfdom - Part IV

The next morning, Tamina didn’t leave her room. She didn’t feel like eating or taking a stroll outside like every other day. She was feeling guilty about not being able to help Marc, who without even asking left a note for her, which exactly the thing was going on in her mind. Several times she thought of asking her father to help Marc but she knew she was not answerable to the questions which her father will raise. She looked outside her window, it was almost afternoon, and she wondered where Marc will be at this hour of the day. While she was lost in his thoughts, one of her helper came inside her room.

“King Atanu wish to see you princess,” said the helper.

“I will be there in a bit,” Tamina replied.

Tamina got up and changed her clothes. She was not in a mood to even step out of her room but she cannot say no to her father.

King Atanu was sitting in the dining hall, a few of his old friends have visited the kingdom and in their honour the entire palace was busy in preparing the delicacies. Tamina walked in the room and said, “You wanted to see me father?”

“Tamina, my sweetheart come here. I want you to meet my childhood friend Achyut and his son Achintya,” Atanu said. Tamina greeted them with her gentle smile.

“May the lord bless you Tamina,” Achyut said and continued, “She is beautiful.”

“Thank You my lord,” Tamina replied and said, “Father, can I be excused?”

“Take Achintya along and show him our palace,” Atanu ordered her.

She had no options but to pretend that she was ecstatic in showing Achintya her palace. She was afraid what if they decide to get her married to him. Whenever her father has asked her to someone’s son the palace, things have gone terribly wrong. She prayed that was not the case.

Achintya had a good physique and a good height. Though they were traders, Achintya has been trained for combat or so he says.

“I have heard a lot about you,” Achintya said looking down.

“What have you heard about me?” asked Tamina.

“That you are a fierce warrior and you are beautiful,” he said.

“But father never allows me to join his army in the battlefield except once when we were outnumbered,” she said.

“And that one story has spread across every kingdom. Wherever we go for trading they have mentioned your name and every prince wants to marry you,” Achintya said and winked at her.

Tamina couldn’t hold on to her thoughts and said, “Are you here to marry me too?”

Achintya was taken aback with the sudden question. He had no clue what to say. He thought for a while and replied, “I don’t know why we are here.”

“Don’t mention this to your father that I asked you this. I am tired of all this. Every now and then someone comes to ask for my hand but I don’t want to get married right now,” she said.

“But someday you will have to,” Achintya replied.

“I wish that day never arrives,” Tamina said and looked away.

There was a brief pause, Achintya had only heard about her and after spending a few minutes with her he realised Tamina was a free bird who wanted to fly but she has been caged inside the palace. She has not been kept here forcefully, she wants to be here but she wants to be here on her own terms. She was a rebel.

“Do you how to use a sword?” Tamina asked her and a thought flashed in her mind.

“Yes,” Achintya replied.

“Grab one,” she said and took out her sword. The duo bowed to each other and what followed next was a 20 minute rigorous battle. Initially, Achintya was trying to go soft on Tamina but looking at her aggression, he took the face-off seriously. But he missed a lot and Tamina got carried away by her emotions and she ended up hurting Achintya.  

“Oh I am really sorry,” Tamina threw away her sword and rushed to see Achintya. Blood started rushing out of Achintya’s arm, Tamina immediately tore a piece of her clothing and wrapped around his hand.

“I am really sorry, I got carried away,” Tamina apologized.

“You really are a fierce warrior,” Achintya winked at her. “Don’t worry no one will get to know about this,” he said.

Tamina stepped back and looked around to see if anyone was around. “We should go back,” she said and started walking back to the dining hall.

King Atanu noticed Achintya’s hand, he knew his daughter has done this to him. He didn’t say a word as immediately Achintya told everyone that how he was checking out the swords and he got injured.

“We should eat,” Atanu announced and everyone took their seat. Tamina’s mother Moly was back from her visit and she requested Atanu for wait for a few minutes so she could join the feast.

“She had gone to meet her mother. She wasn’t doing well. I thought of going to but the situation here was not quite healthy,” Atanu said to Achyut.

“Times are bad my friend. And especially for you, a lot of rulers are eying this kingdom,” Achyut said.

“Let them come and fight us. Then they will never dare again,” Tamina said in a firm voice.

“You shouldn’t talk like this in front of your elders,” Atanu scolded her for getting carried away.

“She is right. If they want to dethrone you, your army should take them out. It is important to send a message to the outside world that only because you are a humble king that doesn’t mean anyone can overrule you,” Achyut said and smiled at Tamina.

Tamina was confused. She has never met them and suddenly an old friend of her father has surfaced and is trying to convince him to fight. Tamina scolded herself for doubting her father’s childhood friend intentions; experiences in her life has turned her into a person, who finds it very difficult to trust anyone.

She was thinking about Marc again. She was afraid what if he gets into trouble. He doesn’t even know how to fight, she was worried about him. She scolded herself again. Why she was worried so much about a stranger? The question kept darting in her head as her mother’s voice brought her back into the reality.

“Where are you lost my child?” Moly said and hugged her daughter. “It’s been so long,” she said.

Queen Moly was from a distant land. She was a princess of a small kingdom in the west and she met Atanu through her father. They never thought they would marry each other, considering they belonged from different culture and spoke different language. But an invisible thread tied their knot forever. However, their marriage came in not a very good time. Moly’s father died during a battle and Atanu married Moly to ensure her kingdom is looked is safe after her father’s demise.

“How is grandmother?” Tamina inquired.

“She will be fine soon my child,” Moly said and greeted Achyut and his son Achintya.

After a brief pause, Achyut asked Atanu about the trading in his kingdom. “I want to help your kingdom by working with you. We are traders but these days you cannot trust anyone. You must be wondering why suddenly I paid you a visit. We want to work with you and we will help your kingdom to boost revenue. I know the time is not quite right but we need your support,” he said.

Atanu without even thinking replied, “You don’t need to ask me for anything my friend. You are my oldest friend and I trust you more than my life. I will be grateful to work with you and your trading skills will help us in expanding our trading in different sectors.”

Tamina and Moly were looking at each other with surprise. Though they were not doubting Achyut intention but Atanu’s immediate reply came as a surprise for them. Atanu has never made any decision in a rush, he always think before arriving at any decision.

“I am grateful to you my friend,” Achyut said and hugged Atanu. Atanu asked Achyut and his son to join him for wine and they excused themselves. Moly and Tamina was sitting in their room, it has been a long time since the mother and daughter spoke to each other. Moly has been gone for over a month.

“How things are here?” Moly asked Tamina.

“It is not going very well. We had a visitor while you were gone. A foreigner who goes by the name Marc. He is a traveller and a writer and he wanted to write about father. But I misunderstood his intentions and summoned him in front of father and he was asked to leave the kingdom. Father still doesn’t trust me. He thinks I will repeat the mistake. I know we put our trust in the wrong person once but it cannot happen everytime,” Tamina said as her eyes turned moist.

Moly held Tamina’s hand and asked her, “Do you like this stranger?”

Tamina was taken aback. “I don’t know about that mother. But I think he needed our help but the way we treated him was not good. And today father didn’t even think twice before making his friend partner in trading. I don’t doubt their intentions but it is a big decision,” Tamina said.

“Look my child, your father need people whom he can trust right now. Things are not going really well in our kingdom and if his friend wants to help us then there is nothing wrong. And don’t worry we won’t ask you to marry his son, if you don’t wish to. My child, you will marry the person you want and when you want, that is my assurance,” Moly said and took her daughter in her arms.

“You take rest, I will check on your father,” Moly said and left.

Tamina got up from her bed and took out the small case, where her thoughts were locked. She took out the handwritten note that Marc had left for her. She re-read the words scribbled by him on the piece of paper. She kept it back into the case, took out a fresh piece of paper and ink. She wanted to write today. She stopped writing years ago but today she felt a strong urge to write again.

“There are times, when I feel like running away from everything and everyone but why I can’t? Even if I want to, the thought of my loved ones always stops me from taking the plunge.

They say, this world is a cruel place and I must not step outside my kingdom. But how will I know if I don’t taste the cruelty? They say we cannot trust anyone from the outside world, but why this heart wants to believe that there is someone out there for me, waiting for me.

Someone who don’t want to keep me caged but allow me to wander like a free bird. Someone, who would love to read my mind, without telling him what is going on inside this head.

I have been betrayed once, and that has left a deep scar in my soul. Not that I have not forgotten about it but it is becoming difficult to trust any other soul. I distanced myself from things that gave me happiness in a hope that will make me tough. But at times, I don’t recognise myself when I look into the mirror.

Someday, I want to go to the countryside, sail through the majestic sea and wander in the distant land where no one knows me. But times are tough and I cannot leave my father here alone, I hope this phase ends soon.

My world is quiet small but I don’t want to be caged here anymore. Since the day, Marc has left, I cannot stop thinking about him. I don’t know what he means to us, I don’t know if I can put my faith in him, but my heart says so to trust him. But my mind rebels against my heart and there is a battle ragging inside my head.

I don’t know where you are, but I hope to see you again. And maybe this time, I won’t hold you by your neck and point my sword to you. Maybe I will just sit by the lakeside with you, and read what you write.

Maybe someday I will show you what I have kept locked inside this heart. But I don’t know if that day will ever arrive. I don’t know where to find you and I don’t know if you would like to find me, again like you did once.

I will wait by the lakeside for you, in a hope that someday we meet. But if that day doesn’t arrive then I will accept it as my fate. If I have to choose between my father and you, I will surely choose my father. But you will reside within this heart.

I have been lying to myself all this while that I don’t know whether you mean anything to me or not. Because 

I don’t want to believe that you mean something to me, because that will not hold me back in this cage and I will wander in the unknown looking for you.

And that is why I am pouring out my feelings here so I can lock this inside the case and never open it again. This is certainly the last time, and I wish this is not the last time. I wish you come back again, and this time I will ask you to stay. I will fight with the world to make you stay here. I will be waiting by the lakeside.”

A lone tear trickled down her cheek. She folded the piece of paper and kept it inside the small case. She locked the case and kept it inside her bed. 

Source: http://static1.squarespace.com/static/540b69eee4b0faf3641fb012/t/5890ddc52994caec4e1760ac/1485888966180/Nicole_Campanello_A+Sudden+Blowsm.jpg?format=1000w

The Seekers of Selfdom - Part III

King Atanu was sitting on his throne, holding a glass of wine while Marc was summoned in front of him. Atanu was informed that Marc was a foreigner and was caught inquiring about him with a small girl and was involved in fighting with a person of the city.

“Why are you here?” Atanu asked him.

“My lord, forgive me if I have done anything wrong. I only wished to meet you. I have heard a lot about you. I am a traveller and a writer and I wish to write about you. The world needs more rulers like you and the people out there must know about you,” said Marc.

“Times are not good and we cannot put faith in a foreigner. We have been betrayed several times and if anything goes wrong I will be held responsible for putting so many lives in danger. You seem like a nice person but I am afraid I cannot help you. You can stay here for the night but you must leave early in the morning and never return to our kingdom,” Atanu said firmly and asked the guards to take him to the guest room.

Tamina walked in as her eyes met Marc’s. She handed him his bag and he didn’t say a word to her. He walked towards the guest room.

“Father,” Tamina said in a low tone.

“I have told you several times not to talk to foreigners. Why did you bring him here?” Atanu was upset.

“I am sorry father but had I left him with the people of our city they would have killed him,” she said.

“You remember what happened the last time we put faith in a foreigner right? I hope you have learnt something from your experience,” Atanu said and left.

Tamina stood there, thinking about her past. How she ruined everything and almost brought her kingdom down and put many lives on risk because she fell for a foreigner, who was nothing more than a pawn of other rulers who wanted to dethrone Atanu.

Since that day, Tamina has kept her heart locked for everyone. She never allowed anyone to come near her. She was afraid more about her father and the people of the city and had vowed to her to keep herself away from such distraction.

She has grown tougher since then and she has forgotten about what love feels like. She has closed all the doors of her heart and all she wanted to do was carry the legacy of her father. But after reading the handwritten note by Marc, her heart felt something that it never felt till now. She was amused at the fact that how she can get so easily drawn to someone’s writing. But she admired the truth in his writings and she wished to read more. But he will be gone tomorrow morning and she cannot meet him during the night.

Tamina walked in to her room, she was tired and she wanted to take a bath. But she wished to be left alone, so she asked the helpers to leave her alone.

She sat down in front of the mirror and stared at herself. She was not like this once, she reflected. There was a time when Tamina enjoyed reading and jotting down her feelings in form of poetry. But time has changed and so she has. Not that she didn’t feel like, but she couldn’t.

And today after reading the handwritten note, she couldn’t stop thinking about it. It was refreshing and at the same time painful to learn about someone’s misery. Especially, when you are a misery.

She was taken aback by his words that claimed he believed in true love and he shall wait for his one. Tamina smirked at the thought of it, “how can someone be so pure?” She thought and dismissed her thought.

“No one is pure. Everyone is here to take other’s advantage,” she said to herself. She took off her clothes and walked in to the bathroom. She filled the tub with water and relaxed herself by taking a long bath. She wanted to wash away all the memories of her past but it kept coming back. Though she had moved ahead, but every time her heart felt something, she would put a stop to her feelings.

It felt as if she was still punishing her for getting attracted to someone, who only cared about power and money. And every single day she punished herself for she believed that it was because of her mistake, her father had to suffer so much.

“But not all are like that,” she thought. But she dismissed her thought immediately. She didn’t know why she was thinking about all this, but she did know who was behind all this. And she wanted him to stay for some more time. She had no clue why she felt about it the way she was feeling, but something inside kept telling her to stop him. But she didn’t know how.

Marc was lying on the bed and thinking about a way through which he could convince King Atanu to allow him to stay in the castle. He was here for a purpose and he wanted to fulfil it before leaving. But he didn’t know the complexity of this kingdom, he didn’t know something has happened here in the past, which has changed the people of Atanu.

But no one would tell him anything and he didn’t know whom to ask. He took his bag and took out the note. He realised that it was not folded in the same way how he had left.

“She read it,” he said to himself and smiled at him. He remembered the moment she was returning his bag, her eyes were moist. He was maybe mad at her for summoning him in front of her father and didn’t notice. And now he knew that she read his note, and she liked it, liked it so much that it brought tears to her eyes.

“Only she can help me to stay here,” he said to himself. “But how?” he kept thinking. “I cannot meet her at this hour, if someone sees me I am dead,” he kept thinking. “But I can take a chance,” his mind said. “You will be dead,” his heart assured him.

He kept tossing from one side to the other side of the bed. He knew he had only a few hours before the dawn breaks and he will be thrown outside this kingdom by Atanu’s men. He got up immediately, took his bag and peeked through the door, there were two guards outside his room. He cannot fight them and he cannot bluff them either. They were tall and strong and wide awake.

He opened the window, but he couldn’t figure out which was Tamina’s room. Even if he jumps out of the window, he cannot find her room. He didn’t know what to do, he kept his bag and went back to the bed.

“Let’s sleep. I will think about this tomorrow,” he said to himself and he heard a murmur outside his room. He sat down on the bed, he was nervous. “What if they decide to execute me?” he thought and grabbed his bag.

The door creaked and entered a few guards, followed by Tamina. One of the guard poked Marc and signalled him to get up as the princess was here.

“You wait outside and give the room to us,” Tamina ordered her guards. They obliged to her and shut the door from outside.

“I was thinking about you,” Marc said. Tamina face was red, she didn’t like anyone talking with her like this.

“I am princess Tamina for you and I am not here to make love to you,” she said.

“Why are you here anyway?” Marc asked her irritably.

Tamina let out a sigh of relief. She walked towards the window and said, “A few years ago, we were betrayed by a foreigner. Since then my father has been extremely cautious about foreigners and he never allow them in our city. I want to help you.”

“Why you want to help me?” Marc asked her.

“I have been living a nightmare since that happened. I need my own freedom and that can happen only if my father realises that not all foreigner are mean and they mean no harm for our city. If he is able to gain that trust then you can do your work and at the same time, it will help me to gain my freedom,” she said.

“You are doing this because you think if your father allow me to stay here, he won’t budge you with these guards and all?” Marc asked her and burst into laughter.

“He will kill me and lock you in the dungeon if he came to know about the truth. I would rather live and write than die because the Princess of Atanu has gone mad,” Marc said.

There was a brief pause. Tamina was thinking how to make marc understand the reason why she was requesting him to do something for her. She knew she was not telling him the truth and maybe that is why she couldn’t be any more convincing. But she didn’t wish to tell him the truth about her, after all she didn’t even know him.

“Very well then. Be ready. You will leave this kingdom before the sunrise and if we see you here again, don’t expect any help from me,” Tamina said and left.

A few hours later, Marc was escorted from the castle. The guards were asked to drop him outside the city and make sure he doesn’t return. Tamina was standing at her window, when he was leaving. She stood there watching him go away. She had no clue why she tried to stop him. She had no clue why she almost spilled the truth. And she had no clue why she was awake only to see him once before he leaves.

Before going to sleep, Tamina walked into the guest room where Marc had stayed. She sat on the bed, and she felt something underneath the matt. She got up and put her hand underneath the mat, and it was a piece of paper folded in a twisted way.

She unfolded the piece of paper and it was the same note that she had read. Marc had left it for her. 

Along with the handwritten note, there was another one. She unfolded the piece of paper and started reading,

"Does it hurt?" The mind asked

"Yes, it hurts. But it is only a phase, which will pass soon enough," replied the heart.

"How can you be so optimistic all the time?" The mind asked again

"Because you are not helping and I can't let this soul to fall into another void because of the fears that you keep generating every now and then," the heart replied.

"I am trying not to but there are times when I can't do much about it," the mind said.

"Then don't lose hope at least. Together we can make everything right. We just need to be in sync and then see how things change," the heart replied.

"Hmmm... I guess you are right," the mind said.

"I am always but often the soul listens to you. Hope they had heard me, they would never have been in this phase in the first place. But it is fine. We can still make things right. Just hold my hand and walk with me through the storm that lies ahead. Nothing will go wrong," the heart said and extended a hand towards the mind. The mind this time grabbed it tightly. 

She folded the piece of both the papers and walked upstairs into her room. She took out a small case, unlocked it and kept both the papers in it. The case had hundreds of papers with her thoughts scribbled on them. 

Source: http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7200/6857736221_75b1a97606_o.jpg

The Seekers of Selfdom - Part II

The dark forest near the lake was only half a mile from the city. Marc took his bag and started walking towards the city. He felt thankful for the cool breeze that has sober down the climate.

The street was a bustling market, oddly enough a lot of people were out in the afternoon. Marc made his way through the pool of people and tried to inquire about the castle. However, all he received in return were blank looks.

He realised things have not been going well in the city and people were somehow scared with foreign visitors. “There must have been something. There is a story behind their looks. I need to find out,” he said to himself as he bumped into a small girl.

“I am sorry I didn’t see you,” said the small girl and got on her knees to pick her collection of stones.

“Wow, these stones are beautiful. Where did you find them?” Marc said as he got down on his knees and started checking out the stones.

“There are a lot near the lake but I don’t get to go there. Princess Tamina gave me these,” the girl said.

“What is your name?” Marc asked the girl.

“My name is Helena,” she said and extended her hand. Marc shook her hand and asked her again, 

“Who is Princess Tamina?”

“Are you new here? Everyone knows about her. She is the bravest girl of our city, the daughter of King Atanu,” Helena said.

“Yes, I am new here. Can you tell me the way that leads to the castle?” Marc asked her but suddenly he was pushed aside by a strong man.

“Helena, go home now,” the strong man said and looked at Marc. Marc got up from the ground, dusting himself he said, “Why everyone keeps pushing people here?”

“Who are you? And why were you inquiring Helena about King Atanu?” the strong man asked him.

“I am a traveller and I have come here to meet the King. But no one is telling me the way to the castle. Can you help me?” he asked the strong man.

“Go back from where you have come. There is no place for foreigners here. You leave else I will call the army,” he said holding Marc’s collar. A small crowd has gathered around Marc and he knew if he did anything foolish he will be thrashed by the crowd. The crowd looked angry. But then a thought flashed in his mind and he punched the strong man in his face.

The crowd went mad and Marc started running for his life.

“Get him,” the strong man screamed and a dozen of people were running behind Marc. He kept running making way through the pool of people and suddenly he was beaten down to the ground.

The crowd held him tightly as the strong man approached Marc. “How dare you hit me? That too in my face. You will pay the price for it now,” the strong man said and he was about to punch Marc when a girl’s voice echoed through the crowd.

The crowd suddenly went quiet and bowed down to their Princess Tamina. There she was, riding on a horse, with her sword in hand she ordered her guards to get Marc.

The guards handcuffed Marc as Tamina ordered them to follow her to the castle. The crowd cheered as they thought the foreigner will be executed.

“What they are so happy about?” Marc asked Tamina in a high pitch tone.

“They are celebrating your execution,” Tamina smirked at him.

“Are you going to kill me?” he asked her.

“Not me but my father will surely,” she said.

“But I get to explain myself at least,” Marc asked again, he was getting nervous and anxious now.

Tamina gave him a hard look as they entered the castle. “Take him to father,” Tamina ordered the guards as they obliged to her.

“Give me one chance to explain first,” Marc kept repeating. Tamina stood there listening to the foreigner’s voice until it stopped. He was inside the castle.

Tamina picked up his bag and opened it. It had a few books, a map, a few apples and a handwritten note. Her eyes caught the attention of the handwritten note. She unfolded it and started reading.

“This world is not a bed of roses but a path full of thorns. I am here to walk over those thorns, without screaming a bit about the pain that it will give me. The world is about battles and heroes but no place for travellers and writers.

I am not welcomed anywhere and people look at me with suspicion. When this will get over when the sun will shine and put an end to the pain that this world is going through. When love will overpower greed and paralyse the lust for power.

With every day passing by, I am growing weak but my eyes are still searching for those pair of eyes that ignites the fire within me. I shall travel north and south, to the east and west until my search for my one is over.

And when she will be there in front of me, I will allow our heart to do the talking. I will only sit by her side, take her hand into mine and ask her to become mine forever.

While they say nothing lasts forever, I want to prove all of them wrong. I want to show them that love cannot be defeated and I will keep trying until my last breath.

Let us walk again and wander into the unknown in search for those pair of eyes who look at me with care and affection and not suspicion. And when that happens, I will know that I have found the person with whom I will rewrite the story of this cruel world, so the generations to come, will remember us and keep love alive.”

By Marc Rhinhart

She read the note again, she could feel the words scribbled on it. She could feel the pain of the man she had just summoned in front of her father. Her eyes were moist and she didn’t know why.

Source: http://michail.at/images/20111221231121_the%20dog%20and%20the%20loneliness.jpg