Tears… that was shed for you…

It was during lunch hour when he got the news. The news that brought joy for many people in his class though it freaked him out. He calculated the number of days repeatedly in his mind. And he knew it then, he won’t be able to be here on her birthday.

“It’s okay if you don’t come on my birthday, we will celebrate it when you are back from your trip.” She had said that the day he told her he might be going for his college trip. That day she had consoled him and insisted him to join this trip.

But deep within he was confused what to do. One part of his mind wanted him to go for this trip as this was his final year in college but the other part wanted him to stay back as this was the first time they will be together on her birthday. But it was practically impossible for him to stay back as this trip was mandatory for everyone. And the fact that he was made the coordinator of this trip didn’t give him any chance to evade from this trip. He was in a dilemma after a long time. It was a time when he had to make a choice.

“I will explain my situation, I’m sure she will understand.” He said to himself

After his college got over, he went to meet her. As he was waiting for her to come, his mind kept on asking several questions. While he was busy finding answers for all his questions she appeared out of the blue.

“Hey” she greeted him with her beaming smile

He was nervous, but the moment he saw her flashing a beaming smile it gave his heart a moment of peace. They started walking together. He took a deep breath after a while and said,

“I’m going for my college trip. I’m really sorry because I won’t be able to make it on your birthday.”

And it gave him immense peace of mind after blurting out what he had to say. But it came out at a wrong time. Her face drooped down, smile gone and her eyes turned moist. She stopped then and there, took some time to gulp down the truth.

“What???” she squeaked

“But how is that possible??? You said you will come back a day before my birthday??? Are you joking??? Tell me if you joking because it’s not funny at all.” She said at the top of her voice

He couldn’t say anything then, just nodded his head which made it clear that he was not coming on her birthday. The fact that she will have to spend her birthday alone in her hostel made him feel like as if someone has just strangle his neck with a thin wire. He felt suffocated.

There was an eerie silence everywhere. He didn’t know how to tackle such situations though he has faced a lot in his life, but here he was totally dumbstruck, clueless what to do.

He held her hand and said,

“I am really sorry…”

But she couldn’t gulp down this news and her face showed it well. He tried making small talks but in vain. He tried cheering her up but in vain. He was very confused he didn’t know what to do that might give her some peace. She was quiet and so he stayed mum too. They walked till the canteen, she took her seat and he went to order juice for both of them. When he came back, he saw her sobbing quietly. He kept his arm around her, she put her head down and said,

“I want to go back to my hostel. I want to be alone for a while.”

He didn’t say anything. He knew it was no point of arguing now. He was not answerable to anything. This was her first birthday with him but his college trip ruined the party.

She drank the juice in one gulp, got up and  said,

“Drop me to my hostel.”

He got up and started walking with her. She was still crying.

“I’m sorry that I’m behaving in a silly way but I don’t know why I’m not able to hold back my tears. I was not like this before. Why I have become like this??? Why???” she said

He kept a straight face listening to what she had to say. He thought that might give her some peace. But deep within he was afraid that what has not been said so far might just come out into the picture. He crossed his fingers.       

“I don’t want to like this. This is getting way too complicated for me. In past one month this has happened for the third time. This relation is giving me more pain than happiness. I don’t want to suffer like this anymore. I don’t want to be with you anymore…”

And the unsaid was said, he closed his eyes tried to gulp down his throat but it gave him a thud in his heart. Her words pierced his heart, he was feeling weak on his knees. He wanted to sit somewhere. It shattered him, somehow he tried holding back his tears when she said again,

“It’s not your mistake. It’s me who’s not able to cope up with the situation. You are a very selfless guy, it’s not your mistake. Now I am not able to cope up with such situations what will happen with me in future. I am such a foolish person that I accepted your proposal without even giving this a thought that, will I be able to handle the complications that will follow through lately.”

 Now that was enough for him to stay quiet.

“So you are saying you did a mistake. After all this while now you are giving up? And what for? Because I won’t be able to make it on your birthday. For this silly reason you will leave me.” He said

“I was not like this before. It’s not about my birthday anymore, it’s about my life. Why I should shed tears for something I didn’t even do???” she said

“As if I’m partying around. What do you think, I am very happy about all this?” he said

“Then even you should not suffer because of me. This is spoiling everything.” She said

He knew it was useless to argue with her at this point of time. He stayed quiet and walked with her till the gate of her hostel.

The moment they reached near the hostel gate, lightning struck, thunderbolts showered and it started raining heavily. He stood there as she was busy finding shade for herself. He stood there, closed his eyes and let himself get drown in those tiny droplets of rain which drenched him completely. He opened his eyes and a lone tear trickled down his face, which was washed away by the heavy downpour. She didn’t notice that. He looked into her eyes directly, her eyes were moist and so were his. He wanted to hug her tightly but couldn’t. He wanted to hold her in his arms and say sorry for everything. He wanted to see her beaming smile before leaving for his college trip. He knew if he will leave like this then her sunken face would haunt him forever. The guilt will remain forever. He looked up in the sky and asked God, why he was in such a situation where he was so helpless. Why the situation demanded his attention from both the sides when he couldn’t do anything about it. He was helpless and her emotional outburst didn’t make anything better for him.

He wanted to tell her that he loved her more than anything in this world. He wanted to tell her not to take any hurried decisions which might just ruin their peace of mind. He wanted to tell her many things. But in the light of the moment he couldn’t utter even a word. The rain didn’t stop nor did his heart stop crying. He sat down beside her under a tree. Whenever he tried to say anything his voice choked. Neither she said anything nor did he speak anything.

And when he gathered his will to speak his heart out she walked away from him. She walked away and disappeared inside her hostel gate. While she was walking back, silently his eyes followed her. That was the first time when she walked away from him without even looking back at him. His eyes were stucked to the hostel gate. He was still in the anticipation that she might come back to bid him goodbye. But she didn’t…

He kept on waiting for her to come back until it stopped raining. But when she didn’t, he kept his arms between his legs dipped his face down and he cried silently. The trees, the leaves started moving around as the wind gained its momentum. When the situation demanded her support she walked away from him. He felt lonely, he felt abandoned, he felt weak and he felt nauseated. He couldn’t believe what just happened. He couldn’t believe what his eyes just witnessed. And he couldn’t believe his fate which again switched its side.

He sat under the shade of the tree and cried his heart out quietly until the clock struck 9:00pm and the warden closed the hostel gate.

Those were his tears that he shed for her, and she wasn’t even there to wipe them up…